The Sun will Come out Tomorrow

I decided to delete my earlier post whining about how hard my life is for a few reasons:

1. I need to suck it up and stop whining. Being a mom is hard for everyone and at different times. Every mom can relate and can probably host their own pity party. So I need to abandon my party and start encouraging others.

2. I re-read what I wrote and realize it could be construed as me describing my husband as being absent and non-helpful, which couldn't be farther from the truth. The post was about my wrong reaction to a innocent situation; it wasn't meant to hint that I was whining about my wonderful husband.

3. I am stronger than I think.

4. Divorce isn't an option for us. Period. No, seriously, it isn't. Part of the covenant Mike and I agreed to on our wedding day was that we wouldn't even say the word - even jokingly - in our home. So even though things may seem heavy and dark now, we both know this will not end our marriage because we won't allow it.

That being said, we're still talking about making some major changes. We've even daydreamed about selling our home in Richmond, Mike quitting his job, and taking 3 months or so to focus on starting a non-profit (something we've discussed for years), and spending concentrated time together as a couple and as a family. Could be that these dark days are meant to be a catalyst to catapult
us down the path God has for us!

Sword fight

A little word about yesterday's post before moving on to today's topic: When I talk about putting your faith in God and His Word, I am NOT saying you use the Bible like a spell book. There is a difference between trusting God and His promises versus trusting in the words alone. God wants us to trust His character and He even tells us to repeat back to Him promises He has given us. But repeating those words over and over like they are a magic incantation has no more power than crossing your fingers or exclaiming, "Expelliarmus!"

Now, moving on…

Following yesterday's post, I have a challenge for you. This week let's practice swinging our swords. Ephesians 6:17 compares the Bible to a sword of the Spirit, meaning we are to use it as an offensive weapon when we are attacked. When Satan tries to steal your hope, joy, focus, peace, identity, etc., you are to say back to him God's promises. When other people try to heap shame on you, counterattack their lies with God's truths. When you yourself begin to doubt God or what He says about you, say to yourself what God says about who you are.

Here are some practical promises to get you started. If you are facing fears and attacks in an area not listed below, feel free to comment, contact me on Facebook or consult numerous books about praying God's promises (www.amazon.com has tons of books on their site). You can also use http://www.biblestudytools.com as a quick online reference.

For this exercise to work, though, you must be consistent. Don't let lies seep into your spirit or mind at any time. As soon as you feel yourself questioning God, His character, or His promises, swing that sword of yours and fight back with never-failing promises of God. Put your faith in Him and not in the lies of this world!

Facing fear?
Perfect love casts our fear (1 John 4:18)
Be strong and courageous, do not fear (2 Chron. 32:7)
If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:37)

Worried about money?
Don't worry about providing clothes or food for yourself; God has you covered. (Matt. 6:25-34)
God has deep pockets and endless resources (Ps. 50:10)
Ask and it will be given to you, more so than a good father who gives to his children. (Lk. 11:9-13)

Feeling worthless?
You are made in God's image (Gen. 1:27)
God knows all about you and has known you before you were born (Ps. 139)
You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14)

Worried your past (or present) mistakes are too great for God's mercies?
You are not your past mistakes. You are a new creation with a new beginning. (2. Cor. 5:17)
God forgives all the time no matter how great your sin. (1 John 1:9)
God remembers your sins no more. (Is. 43:25)

Says Who?

Mike and I last night began to recount the number of bad reports/bad predictions we have heard in our 12 years of marriage:

* we would never have children (spoken from a former ob/gyn)
* we would never afford to adopt or do fertility treatments (spoken by us)
* I had miscarried Addie at 6 wks (spoken by ob gyn)
* I will miscarry Addie within a month due to damaged placenta (spoken by neonatologist)
* triplets will be born with numerous disabilities (spoken by ob gyn)
* Mike will not be able to find a job in Jacksonville (spoken by former boss)
* McKenna is showing signs of down syndrome (spoken by neonatologist)
* McKenna tested positive for serious complex immune deficiency syndrome (spoken by NICU doctor)
* I will not be able to handle caring for all 4 kids (spoken by me)
* having multiples causes more than half of marriages to end in divorce (spoken by multiples support group)

Well, thankfully none of these horrendous predictions came to be. And in the process we have learned to train our ears to truth and not the opinions of others (or even the opinions of our own doubts).

We have found there will always be people who are eager to share their negative predictions, dire comments, doom and gloom prophecies. I choose to listen to words of hope, instead, and these words have proven true.

I have never seen the righteous forsaken. (Ps. 37:25)

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Ps. 139:14)

He will rebuke the devourer for our sakes. (Mal. 3:11)

I am accepted in the beloved. (Eph. 1:6)

I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. (Ps. 27:13)

So whose report will you choose to listen to?

Ode to Addie

Addie is at that age where we finally can have fun, enlightening conversations, and when she sometimes teaches me a thing or two. Here are just a few lessons I've learned from my tender-hearted, precocious 4 year old:

* faith
Addie has prayed for days that she would awake to snow on Wednesday. I dreaded having to tell her that the weather had changed and we would receive only rain. Her response? "That's ok. I'll just keep praying everyday until we get snow."

* forgiveness
There are days I go to Addie 2 or 3 times to confess my anger and ask for her forgiveness. She always readily gives it, but a few days ago she tacked on this statement: "Yes, I forgive you. You're the best mommy."

* the joy in pretend
One of our favorite bedtime routines is to make up stories starring princesses, Peter Rabbit and herself. Sometimes the stories stretch over 4 nights; sometimes it's just a quick blurb. I had forgotten how fun it can be to imagine and pretend to be in a whole new world (que music).

* loyalty
Everyone is Addie's best friend - even friends she hasn't seen in years. She will mention a boy or girl she hasn't seen in years, or maybe someone she met briefly at the mall, and ask me questions about how i think they are doing now. For her current friends, they are mentioned in her nightly prayers - which can last several minutes.

I choose you

Last week was a terrible week (as expressed earlier). Sadly, it wasn't the first nor will it be the last. Seems that no matter how hard I try, I still struggle with feeling overwhelmed, stressed and short-tempered. Last week's breakdown ended with me crying in my closet trying to think of a way to tell Mike that I can no longer mother 4 kids and we will need to send 1 to my parents (don't worry, I was only half serious).

A few days later I still was feeling broken. The whispers kept repeating themselves
     You're too weak
             You're a bad mommy
                      You're a failure
                               
That Sunday I heard our pastor speak about what our response should be when others heap shame and contempt on us. He related that there are times when such words and judgment simply flow off our backs because we are secure in who we are and do not waiver because of someone else's opinion. There are other times, however, when such comments pool in our spirits until we start to believe them ourselves and become affected by them. I realized that's where I was.

During the prayer time I crumpled to the ground and simply cried. I couldn't even voice a prayer because I still felt too unworthy to ask for anything. And in the midst of my brokenness I heard God say, "I choose you." I had heard God say this years ago when I first felt Him reveal Himself to me and I chose to follow Him. At the time, His promise meant that He chose me out of darkness and into His kingdom to become His daughter. This time, however, the words were spoken as a promise of forgiveness and acceptance.

I choose you.

I choose you today and always. I choose you when you are a broken mess. I choose you when you feel like no one else will. I choose you because I love you no. matter. what.

Wow. What love is this?

Over and over this past week God has been reminding me of the Romans verse that says, "we are accepted in the beloved." Friends, don't you see? We are valued and loved, even at our worse, by a God who knows you intimately.

Time and again He says, "I choose you."

A Terrible, No-Good Day

When I say my kids would be better off if I was passed out drunk, what I mean is:

* I realize most of what I've said today has been harmful, and I'd rather be incapacitated than hurting those I love

* I wish I could clock out for a few hours and not have any repercussions

* I just spent 10 minutes looking for my herd only to discover one sucking on pee-soaked toilet paper fresh from the toilet, one smearing chocolate on her face and hair, and one toppling a DVD shelf

* I wish for just a moment I could be not responsible - or, as my father would say, irresponsible - for four curious, active, precious children

* I wish I could hit reset on the day and love my kids better

Walk This Way

I have often heard the question, "What are you believing God for?" and my mind usually comes up blank. Sure, I pray for my family's protection and health, and I'm asking God to help us find a house to buy in the summer. But as for fervent, sweat-filled prayers where I wrestle with God over something, I'm just not there.

Reading the book of Galatians, though, I'm struck by how much my life is governed by faith.

It takes faith to know God is who He says He is, and that when I pray I'm not just talking to air.

It takes faith to know I am who God says I am, and I'm not just a worthless, messed up person.

It takes faith to know God is in me, and He is greater than the pressures I face.

It takes faith to know that as broken as this world appears, God is still God.

So this morning's revelation is that as followers of Jesus, we do walk by faith each and every time we choose to believe God versus believe the world. Walk on, my friend!

Mommy Night In

Last night at dinner my husband suggested I take the next night off for a "mommy night out." Splendid idea!

All day I pondered whether I would go see a movie, or perhaps lounge in a local eatery while sipping tea and reading. Or maybe I'd find a quiet store and window shop.

The next day flew - especially after lunch when we loaded all 4 munchkins in our van for an impromptu visit to our city zoo. We had a blast comparing animals to our own herd of kids (we found a gorilla that very nearly matched Josiah), but by time the zoo closed we were tired and cold. We rushed home, orchestrated dinner, cleaned up, switched to pajamas and wearily dumped 3 bodies into bed. By this time the thought of leaving my warm home for any outing seemed more exhausting than rejuvenating.

Thus an idea was born: in house spa night!

Mike agreed to wrangle our eldest in bed, thus freeing me up to soak in a bath while listening to soft music accompanied by the sound of crashing waves. I drank a glass of ruby red wine and read a young adult book. Bliss. I then did my nails, slathered on lotion, performed a self facial and emerged scrubbed, polished and relaxed.

Sometimes staying home can be more relaxing than cavorting around in the cold, especially after a rambunctious day of herding our own tribe of monkeys.

New Cover Design for a Great Book

I have fallen in love with the Imdalind Series of books. I guess it's technically Young Adult fiction (don't judge) but Rebecca Ethington is an amazingly good writer. She does a great job of transporting you to a reality that involves magic, ancient histories and ultimate battles of good v. bad. Currently there are three books in her series; the fourth will be released next month. Just enough time to catch up!

GoodReads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17280547-kiss-of-fire

Amazon: http://amzn.to/LBtEZ7

Barnes & Noble: http://bit.ly/1lJiZto

BLURB:

Joclyn Despain has been marred by a brand on her skin. She doesn't know why the mark appeared on her neck, but she doesn't want anyone to see it, including her best friend Ryland, who knows everything else about her. The scar is the reason she hides herself behind baggy clothes, and won't let the idea of kissing Ryland enter her mind, no matter how much she wants to.
The scar is the reason she is being hunted.

If only she knew that she was.

If only she had known that the cursed stone her estranged father sent for her 16th birthday would trigger a change in her. Now, she is being stalked by a tall blonde man, and is miraculously throwing her high school bully ten feet in the air.

Joclyn attempts to find some answers and the courage to follow her heart. When Ryland finds her scar; only he knows what it means, and who will kill her because of it.

Raising Princesses and Princes

This gorgeous image is courtesy of Joyce Ormeo (photography) and Danielle Waterman (design)

Our 4-yr-old is a product of Disney. She earnestly will tell you she plans to be a princess when she grows up, and she can tell you minute details about each and every Disney princess. The balancing act for us is to help her understand that she is created to be more than a Disney princess; she is a princess of God. And while Disney princesses may get served, God's princesses are here to serve others. 

So how do we raise princesses and princes who live in obedience to God and selflessness to those around them? My first thought is we need to cure "affluenza."

Recently, a teenaged boy stole beer from a convenience store and decided to drive while drunk. He eventually caused an accident that left 4 people dead. He admitted his guilt but his defense argued he shouldn't be sent to jail because his behavior was the result of affluenza - an indulgent family life devoid of discipline or expectations. Or, in our common vernacular, he was a spoiled brat.

So how do we prevent our children from being like the boy who thinks he is above rules and shows little regard for others? I think it comes down to having clear expectations with bountiful praise for obedience and clear punishment for defiance.

We recently implemented a behavior chart that lists 3 simple rules for Addie:

1. Love mommy and daddy by helping

2. Honor mommy and daddy by obeying

3. Love sisters and brother by being gentle

We created the rules with Addie's input, explained what each rule meant and brainstormed with her ways that she would live out the rules. We then put into place a system of rewards involving stickers that she could trade in for various prizes. We love this chart for several reasons: 

* Addie gets to see instant satisfaction when she helps us or shows love

* Addie has the option of exchanging her stickers for a simple reward or saving her stickers for a more elaborate prize, which teaches her delayed gratification and the benefits of saving vs. spending.

* The chart keeps us accountable for praising Addie when she is obedient

Some days are better than others. One day she earned 4 stickers before lunch. Another day she lost 2 stickers due to a string of tantrums. But in the past week I've seen her show more contrition when she disobeys, and have noticed her making obvious efforts to play nicer with her siblings and to volunteer her help.

I believe we are seeing a princess in the making.

He is faithful

Back when we were a family of two, I already knew I wanted to stay home with our kids once we started a family. At the time, though, Mike and I were working at a non-profit and there was no way we'd financially be able to live on Mike's salary alone. One day, a dear friend spoke a beautiful promise over us.

She said, "God knows your needs and He loves the babies He will give you. Don't you think He'll also provide for these children?"

Six months after we became a family of three, I was able to quit my job and stay home with her.

    Then we became a family of six. 

And those fears of how we were going to provide for 4 children resurfaced. Now, not only did we have more mouths to feed, bottoms to diaper and bodies to clothe, but we also had medical bills.

We thank God that the babies were born healthy and had to be in the hospital for just a few weeks, but even so we accumulated bills in the thousands.

So all year we've been praying for God to help us pay off these bills and provide for the babies. And He is answering in ways we never imagined!

• My ob-gyn called a few months ago and said insurance had paid more for my delivery than they had anticipated and the dr was refunding us about $500 of what we had paid in advance
• One of the physicians' office who employs the drs at the hospital called and offered to cut 1 of our bills in half if we could pay it in full now. That saved us about $300
• This week a debt of $2000 was repaid to us from 5 years ago. And we were gifted $1000 from another source

This is in addition to people sending us checks throughout the year, helping pay for the babies' diapers, and many many other ways God has sent us money when we needed it. 

Please hear my heart in this: this doesn't have anything to do with us. This is all about God being faithful to His promises. We just want to give praise to God and encouragement to others who may be facing insurmountable odds. God is faithful.

Friends are friends forever

It's been a hard 18 months of transitions and major changes. One of the hardest things Mike and I have struggled with is feeling lonely in a new city far from friends and familiar faces. And obviously only a crazy person would think of driving to Richmond with 4 kids in tow :)

This week we were overwhelmed with joy and love to have the Bretas bring their beautiful family to stay with us for a few days. They are some of our closest friends in Richmond, and they will remain that type of friend we can go months (or years) without seeing each other but can pick up where we left off when we do get together.

They are precious treasures to us and seeing them was the emotional pick-me-up we needed.

Joshua, Josiah, Raigan, Ryleigh, McKenna, Addie and Raella

Addie and Raigain

The Conner-Breta clans

Caledonia's been everything I've ever had

Yesterday I posted a comment on fb about our desire to move eventually to Ireland and I was surprised by the number of people who commented with encouragement or thoughts. For years Mike and I have felt like our hearts (and bodies) belong in Europe. We thought for a while about possibly finding a way to Spain but time and again Ireland called to us. So while yesterday's post was partly in jest, I think it also was a public declaration of our long-standing dream to move to Ireland. Like Joshua who publicly told the sun to stand still, we publicly declare that our heart's dream is to live in the land of leprechauns and fertile fields.

Mike laughs about my drive to create lists but here are two lists currently rotating in my brain:

Top 4 Job Options for us in Ireland
1. I finish the books I've started and get published, become independently wealthy and move wherever we want.
2. Mike becomes an independent IT consultant who can work remotely from wherever he wants
3. We start a company based in Ireland doing .....?
4. Mike perfects his banjo playing and dancing, auditions for a Galway-based band, and we strike gold

And Top 5 Reasons we Belong in Ireland
1. I like tea better than coffee
2. We can speak Irish (ie: top of the morning, they're always after me lucky charms, aye)
3. Mike already likes Irish sports better than American sports
4. I could listen to Celtic Woman and Celtic Crossroads all day long, and I know the lyrics to "Galway Girl"
5. We have seen Ireland in calendars

Ok, so these are in jest but the real reasons aren't nearly as entertaining. Honestly, there's just something about the culture and people that pulls at my heart. And even though I've never been, Ireland already feels like home.

The evil that lurks in fur ball packaging

During college I went on a date with a guy who thought the appropriate sign of adoration was a furby. A white, evil, possessed, refused-to-die furby. And trust me, we tried to off him. I sat him on my car roof and drove off hoping the thing would hit the ground and disintegrate. Unfortunately, I found him hiding under my bags when I moved back home from school. I also tried kicking him but he only growled and became more belligerent. I think I finally abandoned him on a park bench with my best wishes for finding another family to love and to drown him.

It's been years since I've thought of Mr. Stuff-of-Nightmares Furby.

Until my birthday a few weeks ago.

When I received this haunting drawing/card from my college roommate.

And this, folks, is why I hope my mansion in heaven is next door to Bethaney's. :)

Here's to celebrating small victories

Today I let Addie go to school wearing a horribly mis-matched outfit because she felt beautiful and because what she wears doesn't matter in the long run

Today I didn't lose my temper and say to Addie, "Go away," or "Addie, please, just stop," or any other words that would convey to my precious daughter that she is a nuisance (because she's not)

Today I loved and snuggled with 2 fussy babies who are sick and just want to be held, rather than get frustrated at their increased neediness

Today I remembered to move the laundry to the dryer. Even better, I didn't worry about when to fold it.

Today I waited until the evening to run the dishwasher because it's much easier to unload when Mike is here to help. Y'all don't know how hard it was to force myself to wait when 95% of me said, "just do it now and get it over with."

Today I took some time for me, even if it was just a 20 min. break to walk the neighborhood.

Today I started the morning gazing at the sunrise and telling God, "I can't do this by myself. Please, please help me."

Today I accepted that my failures are in the past and today is a new day.

Today I accepted that I'm still going to fail, and that's ok, too.

A Song of Thanks (minus the music)

It is not an exaggeration to say it takes a village to raise triplets. So as much as today is a celebration of their birth, it also is a celebration of the people who have helped us get here. This song's for you:

• from the beginning, my parents have been amazing in stepping up to be a 2nd set of hands. They helped find us a house in Jacksonville that was close enough to them that they could drop everything and come help with midnight feedings or fussy babies. They have babysat for us just about every week just so Mike and I can attend a Bible study or have a date night. We couldn't have survived this year without you.

• Mike's mom, Bunny, has been more than gracious in helping and visiting us! She even drove the 11 hrs from Richmond by herself to be with us this past spring. Even from a distance, she makes her presence known through gifts of formula, diapers and clothes. We thank you so much for supporting us in more ways than one.

• A group of 3 ladies surprised us with a thorough house cleaning while I was in the hospital following the babies' delivery. I don't see these Journey ladies much any more, but I'm still touched by the kindness and service of Annelyse, Stephanie and Nicole.

• I have had a steady stream of helpers who have visited me weekly to help give me an extra set of hands. Mary Gilbert was a constant source of information in the early days about development milestones and how to help the babies progress. Allison has just 1 day a week when she's not working and she often dedicated that day to helping me. I am so humbled by her sacrifice. Lyn has never failed to bring us a delicious meal, a servant heart that doesn't mind folding laundry, and an over-abundness of love for our babies. To each of these ladies I say "THANK YOU!!"

• My college roommate, Bethaney, surprised me more than once with cards and gift packages just to encourage me and let me know she's thinking of me. This lady is so precious to me and I have stood on her shoulders more than once just to make it another day.

• There's not many teenage girls who would willingly give up a weekend to watch our kids, but on more than 1 occasion the Davis family baby sat for us. We relied on those date nights to keep our sanity, and it was even more touching that we would return to find all babies bathed and ready for bed. Thank you Sheri, Kamryn, and Amber.

There are so many people who have carried us with their prayers and words of encouragement. For each and every one of you, know that today we remember you, give thanks for you and acknowledge that we wouldn't be celebrating today without your support.

The Joy of Breaking

Trust falls aren't really about closing your eyes and falling backward hoping someone will stop your fall. A true trust fall involves falling apart and hoping that when you open your eyes, someone will be there still loving and believing in you.

It's falling apart during a Bible study and weeping to a friend that you think you are failing as a parent. It's confessing that just this week you've screamed at your infant to shut up, and have felt such anger that you're tempted to shake a helpless baby (although there's just enough sanity left to keep you sitting firmly on your hands). And hoping that when you're done confessing, the other person doesn't look at you as though you are the worst mom ever.

It's talking to a friend whom you haven't seen in years and somehow admitting that earlier in the day you cried because you found a load of laundry in the washing machine from 3 days ago, and this clearly represents your failure to keep it together. It's hoping your long-distance friend doesn't hastily get off the phone to whisper about you to her other friends.

It's calling your husband to admit you just had a panic attack because the babies aren't eating lunch after they also refused to eat their breakfast, and obviously this is another reflection of your failure as a mom. It's hoping he doesn't dismiss you and your fears like you feel you deserve.

And it's finding that in each situation the other person responds with more grace and mercy than you expect. The first friend admits that she knows just how you feel, and she went through a similarly dark time as a mom. The second friends weeps with you and vows to pray for you. Then texts you throughout the week to check on you. And the husband hangs up the phone and rushes home to hold you, to help relieve the pressure of watching 4 kids and urges you to go get some alone-breather time in an effort to also get perspective.

I have found this week there is a joy in breaking and (finally) trusting others to help put you back together - or at the very least, sit with you during the breaking and encourage you with their presence.

Letting the plates fall

Most days I feel like the circus performer who miraculously manages to keep 4 plates spinning atop tall poles. The plates may wobble and tilt, but he notices the imminent danger and rushes over with seconds to spare and rights the issue. Then at the end, he bows and waits for applause from the crowd knowing they are amazed at his speed, agility, time management and multi-tasking.

Wait, did I just admit to being a self-absorbed, praise-seeking freak? Yeah, I guess I did.

Since the babies were born I have felt more and more like this circus act. Things are fine as long as nothing else happens to interrupt my concentration. But if one of my children becomes a fuss pot for the day and demands to be held more than normal, or if my 4 year old decides at the last minute she doesn't like the outfit she put on for school, or if I'm trying to cook dinner while cleaning dishes and feed 3 babies and I spill something, I lose my cool and tantrum. Seriously tantrum, complete with occasional foot stomps and door slams. And more than once I've gone to the garage to beat a mattress with a plastic bat to keep from yelling at my daughter.

My doctor thinks it's all because my hormones are still out of whack from my pregnancy. Personally, and spiritually, I think it's more due to issues of pride and stubbornness.

A few weeks ago I meditated on 1 Cor. 13:4-7. My translation says, "Love does not insist on its own way...it is not irritable." For me, this means I shouldn't be stomping my foot and snapping at Addie because she wants to do something her way. Just this past weekend, she and I had a kerfuffle because she wanted to wear an ugly shirt that she thought was pretty. But because I wanted things perfect in my world (in order to reflect well on me) I fought with her and eventually ordered her to change. She then cried and I fumed. Did I mention this was on her birthday? Yeah, score 2 bad mommy points.

I shouldn't have insisted on my own way. And when I feel overwhelmed by trying to keep the house clean, my children happy, my daughter dressed well and behaving, my pantry stocked and whatever other chore I think I need to tackle, I need to force myself to step away from the plates even if it means they fall.

This morning's Bible read spoke straight to this issue. It's the story of Martha and Mary attending to Jesus. One sister (Martha) thought the best way to show love was to provide a neat home and full buffet for Jesus - both of which required lots of time and effort. The other sister (Mary) thought the best way to show love was to sit at Jesus' feet and learn to know Him. Martha complains about her sister's laziness and Jesus says, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but 1 thing is necessary (my note: bet you anything it isn't to have a Martha Stewart home and meal). Mary has chosen the good portion ..." Lk.10:41, 42

So if you see my daughter come to school in pjs or my kids with food on their faces or clutter in my home it could be that I'm learning to rest in God and let the plates fall.

Parting words for my granny

I was born with straight hair. It was a little wiry but it definitely wasn't curly. And then puberty hit and suddenly I found myself with a fuzzy fro atop my head. I would become so frustrated trying to comb my now tangly rats' nest that I would grip the comb with both hands and force it through my hair, ripping out wads of hair with it.

And then my granny would gently take over. I remember she would ever so carefully work out the kinks in my hair. It got to the point I would intentionally tangle my hair so that my granny would have to spend even more time carefully combing my coif.

Tonight my granny is in a hospice bed possibly struggling to take her last breaths. We've known for a while that death was coming. Even as far back as 2006, my brothers and I would receive a frantic call from my mom to rush home, granny was dying. Back then she was suffering from heart troubles, but she rebounded. The years were not easy, though. She has battled through diabetes - even when it required a leg amputation - cancer and more heart problems. This week she also has endured massive strokes that left her muddled and eventually asleep. It seems she really is on her last leg (pun lovingly intended. We didn't call her Peg Leg Polly for nuthin').

So I remember my granny and her kind hands. I remember how she subtly let me know I was the favored grandchild. I remember how she taught me to cook my first meal, scrambled eggs. I even remember her parting words on my wedding day, "I just hope you're happy." (you had to have known Pauline to understand that this was about as optimistic as she could be). And I remember her hugging me with her flappy arms full of love and pride. I miss you, granny, and will miss you even more in the days to come.

Summer Fun

While Addie has been away at summer day camp, the babies and I have been trying all sorts of new experiences. Today we had a water day. Splish splash.

And of course, a visit from the daycare pet #2, Heidi the Nasty Mutt