Hiking Ft. Pickins

We rode the sea doo a few miles from our hotel to an old fort that originally was constructed during the Spanish-American War. Ft. Pickins also played a role in the Civil War and WWII (it's interesting to see the varying construction/architectural details from each era). Sadly, the fort also served as a jail to a few dozen Apache Indians during the late 1800s. Here are some shots from our excursion ...

As a note, to obey the cannon's orders to "keep off gun" I crawled beneath the cart it is sitting on and stood up in just the right place to be photographed. I also didn't actually touch the gun just in case it was rigged with alarms :)

Photos of Beach and Croquet

Mike's Transition to the Sea

Hit that ball!

Yay, mom!

Dad distracted by Willie

Group shot

We played 3 rounds, and I think my dad won 2 of them. Yeah, we won't hear the last of this for a while.

Fatal Dinner

I inherited my odd sense of humor from my dad. That should tell you something about him. Anyway, last night we had some excess spaghetti sauce, so my dad decided to create a safari. Here are the results.

Unfortunately, one didn't survive.

You Asked for It

Mike has been banned from work. Despite the fact that his dr says he most likely doesn't have noro, they still won't let him in the building due to his continuing symptoms.

Yesterday, I began developing a sore throat with lots of icky sinus junk. As is typical for me, the ick began trickling down my throat and into my belly. I started getting nauseated in the afternoon and had to make a mad dash for the loo. Thus, I too was blacklisted from work. I tried explaining that the nausea was tied to a cold, not noro, but my pleas fell on deaf ears.

I felt really bad for the maintenance folks who were called in to quarantine the bathroom in which I had relieved myself. They had to do a thorough scrubbing of every surface. THEN they had to go to my desk to clean everything there, too. Geez. I guess I understand the need to be super cautious, but I didn't think so much fuss would be made over one little expulsion. I did hear that someone else in my area got sick today, but I claim no responsibility for it!

Oh, and we made local news. Yay for us :) 

Prayer for Pets

I've been racking my brain for topics to post about. I guess I could show you the stack of paperwork we received from the adoption agency so you could see the 10 lbs of information we have to provide - but that's boring. Or, I could tell you all about the Norovirus that infected 100 people at work, forcing us to close down for 2 days so they could decontaminate our work area. Oh - and my husband got it, too. But that's kind of gross. 

Instead, I thought I'd share with you photos of my dogs. Hey, Mother's Day is around the corner, and right now these mongrels are all I got in the way of children. I will offer this prayer request, too. Mike and I are talking about going to Spain next year for 2 years, and we'll need a foster home for these mutts while we're gone. So please begin praying now that we'll find the right home for these lovable critters (they really are sweeties!)

Heidi, who is wild at heart

Rolling in the dirt is her favorite past time

She can get so filthy!

Dakota is a few years older than Heidi, and is her complete opposite. Dakota is camera shy, and tends to be timid. Whereas Heidi would jump first and look later, Dakota is very cautious. In many ways, Heidi reflects my personality and Dakota mirrors Mike.

Could we be Wrong

Global warming and being "green" are all the rage now, but it seems like we may have jumped too early onto anything that hinted at helping the earth. Case in point, Time magazine reports that ethanol may not be the boon we thought it was. I think National Geographic had a similar report not too long ago. In fact, Time has this chilling information:

" ... by diverting grain and oilseed crops from dinner plates to fuel tanks, biofuels are jacking up world food prices and endangering the hungry. The grain it takes to fill an SUV tank with ethanol could feed a person for a year. Harvests are being plucked to fuel our cars instead of ourselves."

I am all for saving the environment, but it seems like there should be a way we can do that without stealing food from the hungry.

Adoption Decisions

Mike and I met with a representative from Children's Home Society, a local non-profit agency that facilitates adoption of infants and older children in Virginia. They're a fairly small operation - they placed only 26 children last year - but they seem very passionate about the children with whom they are entrusted. Monday night we'll meet with a rep. from Bethany Christian Adoption Services,  a national agency that serves to help Christian families adopt. Currently, we're leaning toward pursuing a domestic infant adoption, but we've just started the investigative process regarding adoption and may decide to do something entirely different. 

From what we've heard, the entire process can take up to a year (sometimes more).

Please pray for us as we try to discern God's will in this. We have so many decisions to make in this whole process, and we truly want to know what to do and when. Honestly, my greatest fear is that we would be chosen by a birth parent, only to have the adoption fall through. Given our past experiences, I'm just not sure I could handle such disappointment again.

Wrenched Heart

Today I heard that one of the brothers of our former foster son was forced to leave the home. To give back story: Mike and I cared for a 17-month-old precious boy for about 9 months a few years ago. Brandon had several half siblings from various fathers, but he was close to two brothers in particular. Around the 7 month mark, Brandon's brothers were moved to a home that was willing to adopt them. We were reassured by our social worker that there were no plans to move Brandon, and that they were proceeding with severing parental rights so the boys could be adopted. Two months after that conversation, our social worker scheduled a meeting to tell us she had changed her mind about Brandon, and she was going to move him to the other home. We were devastated, crushed, furious, confused and pierced. 

My one comfort was knowing that Brandon would be reunited with his brothers, whom he loved dearly. The rest I entrusted into God's care.

Well, turns out that Brandon's oldest brother became a wee violent with his foster mother (soon-to-be adoptive mother) and he was kicked out of the home.

There's not a single part of my heart that is happy about this. I feel grieved for the brother, whose life has now become infinitely more complicated. I feel vindicated in that perhaps the social worker may finally see that her perfect plan wasn't so fool-proof. I wonder why it all played out this way and how Brandon is coping with this sudden change to his life. And I hope even stronger that Brandon and his brothers will someday find the love and security they deserve, despite the efforts of social services.

4,000: Not Just Another Number

Dick Cheney recently gave an interview with ABC News correspondent, Martha Raddatz. She started the interview by asking what affect the 4,000 US casualties in Iraq might have on the war. He replied:

... the biggest burden is carried by President George W. Bush, who made the decision to commit US troops to war, and reminded the public that U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan volunteered for duty.

I wonder if good ole Dick knows how heartless such a comment looks in print.

Silent Speaking

Nearly 4 years ago, Mike’s father unexpectedly died from a heart attack. I remember going to eat with a friend weeks after Bert’s death, and telling the friend that I didn’t know if I could trust God anymore. He asked me what it would take for me to believe and I said, “I just want to see God. I want to see a situation so irreversible and horrible that only God can be credited with saving the person or situation. I want to see Him answer prayer or somehow prove that He cares when we cry to Him.” Recently I lamented to several folks that I still hadn’t seen or “felt” God in an undeniable way.

This past weekend I was continued my reading of Job and came across a verse that truly spoke to my heart. One young dude responds to Job’s complaints that God has falsely accused Job and is now ignoring him. The young dude says, “Why do you take Him (God) to court for not answering anything a person asks? For God speaks time and again, but a person may not notice it. In a dream, a vision in the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they slumber on their beds, He uncovers their ears at that time …”

Could it be that God has been speaking and acting and either I’ve been oblivious or I’ve attributed His voice to someone/something else?

China May Want to Re-Translate some Signs

Hand Dance

I love it when someone finds a way to creatively perform a song. enjoy!

An Amazing Guitarist

A friend had a link to this video, and I just watched in amazement. Hope you enjoy!

Strange Rules in Western Europe

I couldn't help but comment on some new rules/laws in Western Europe that I think are very telling about the culture there.

From Amsterdam:
Dog owners angry at public sex plan

Dog owners in Amsterdam are angry after the city legalised public sex in one of the city's most famous parks. But they promised to clampdown on dog owners who let their pets walk in the park without a lead.

One dog owner protested: "As long as the park has existed, we've been allowed to let our dogs run freely. It's outrageous that we will be punished from now on but public sex won't."

And from Italy:
Court Rules Against Public Groping

In a landmark judgment with far-reaching social implications, Italy's highest appeals court has ruled it is a criminal offence for Italian men to touch their genitals in public.

The judges of the court of cassation stressed that the ban did not just apply to brazen crotch-scratching, but also to what might be termed superstitious pre-emption. Anyone who has seen a hearse go past in Italy, or been part of a discussion in which some terrible illness or disaster is mentioned, will know it is traditional for men to ward off bad luck with a quick grab at what are delicately called their "attributi".

New Website

I haven't seen any comments lately, so I have a feeling this blog dropped off the face of the web. Maybe I should contact Al Gore to fix that for me :)

Anyway, in case anyone cares I now have a family website.

You may notice the "mac" reference - yes, I have crossed to the dark side. Or, as the folks at my local mac store say, "I have seen the light."

Our new website has photos, blogs for me and my husband, info about us, etc.

So check it out if you have some spare time.

Weekend at the Beach

Mike took me to see Celtic Woman (yeah, don't laugh - this was a sacrifice for him), at Virginia Beach, so we decided to make a weekend of it. We had a great time - even if there was a tornado watch in effect for Saturday. Sunday brought amazingly beautiful weather and clear skies. The best part ... our hotel had a balcony that faced the ocean. Hmmm, I could have stayed forever.

standing on a breezy balcony

crazy surfer

drying out my clothes after we were drowned by an unexpected thunderstorm

First signs of spring

Spring won't be here for a few more weeks, but I awoke this morning to find the first signs of her impending visit.

Here are the first sprouts from some vegetable seeds I planted last week

A budding tree

Petite pinkies

I miss

• feeling like I can trust God with anything

• having the confidence of Paul rather than the doubts of Thomas

• my dad’s handkerchief, which seemed magically to appear before the first tear reached my cheek

• God’s joy and presence

• being contented with what I know about God rather than feeling as though I’m missing something

• waking up each day with anticipation and excitement for what adventures the day may hold

Scenes from a recent party

Princess Conner, 4

Korynn, 2

Bert and Jack, 9 mos.

Tyler and Korynn

Old Time Evangelism

Dear lost person

I am concerned for the state of your eternal soul. Have you ever asked Jesus into your heart? No, not your literal heart. I mean your spiritual heart. Yes? Oh good. So you remember every detail about the day you repeated a prayer being led by a certified, licensed Christian. No? Oh dear.

Well surely you at least continued on the path of Christianity by distancing yourself from everyone who could possibly be a bad influence on you, right? I mean, at this stage you’re just a fledgling believer who easily could be misled back to sin and degradation. It might help me to take a peek at your journal to see how closely you’ve followed Jesus’ sayings. What do you mean you don’t have a journal? Didn’t they teach you about writing down your revelations, prayer requests and thoughts about God? And questions don’t count because, as believers, we’re not supposed to question – just accept.

Well, this is truly a sad state of affairs. We may need to take you through a refresher on the Four Spiritual Laws and the ordinance of journaling. It might help, too, for you to go ahead and move out of your neighborhood and find a nice, quiet convent in which to meditate, grow and develop into a fine spiritual leader. You can practice sharing your 5-minute testimony on the deer.

Why I Believe

I've been thinking more about my earlier post and thought I'd share with you part of my journey. I came to the conclusion fairly early in life that there had to be a God. How else do you explain the complexities of life and existence? But how do I make the jump from being an agnostic to being a Christian? Well, I tend to be more analytical than I'd like to admit. See, I know that there were a bunch of guys who faced excruciating deaths because they refused to tell the world that Jesus was a hoax. These men had seen Jesus up close and personal, and even in the face of death they could not deny His existence or character.

What would compel men to forsake all to profess faith in another person? Only the truth: that the other man truly was the Son of God sent to die for the sins of mankind. I can't imagine men accepting torture and death if they knew that Jesus was a hoax. So something about Him must have convinced them to follow Him, even to their own deaths.

But this is my sad confession - perhaps even blasphemous. My faith in God is based more on what I know about Him than what I've experienced. I can't really say I've seen God intervene in an impossible situation and completely turn it around. I don't even know if I could say I've seen a life dramatically transformed by God's presence. And, here come's the blasphemy, I'm not sure I've ever "felt" God like other people say they have.

This saddens me because I want to be someone who testifies of God based on what I've experienced. Unfortunately, after 20 some years of following Him the best I can say is that I follow Him because the evidence has convinced me that there is no other alternative.

Why Believe in God?

Researchers at the University of Oxford are preparing to launch a 3-year study to determine why people believe in God. They want to know whether "belief in a divine being is a basic part of mankind's makeup."

I've never considered the thought that God might not exist. I've met some atheists who challenged me to prove there is a God (like I could), but more interesting would be to see if they could prove He doesn't exist. I've heard many people say they don't believe in a god because if there was one then there wouldn't be the suffering and brokenness we see.

Let's suppose they're right, then. The world's brokenness proves there is no god. But there's still brokenness, poverty, and suffering - so who do we blame now? Greedy people? Indifference? Why can't we blame these attitudes and people for the wrong in the world and still believe there's a god? I guess people want to believe there is a god who would intervene to correct the wrongs in life, but stay out of our business when we want to live according to our own desires and plans. Kind of like a part-time god.

Giant Triumph

Mike is a life-long Giants fan, just like his mum, so last night was quite an evening of celebration in the Conner house.

Early in the game, he was not a happy camper

Our man Eli

Later in the game, Mike couldn't bear to watch

Die-hard fan

History of a knee

About 2 years ago, Mike underwent knee surgery to remove a portion of his Meniscus that was torn while playing indoor soccer. He never recovered full mobility in his knee, and eventually also tore his ACL while playing football. Last week, Mike went in to have ACL reconstructive surgery on his left knee.

Mike waiting for surgery

Recovering post-op

Still sleeping

His new knee

Missing are photos of Mike while recovering at home because, well, he's had a rough recovery. Doctor put him on Diladid - which does a great job at masking the pain but it comes with some nasty side effects. Day 2 after the surgery, Mike was plagued with shakings, heart palpitations, visual hallucinations, panic, nausea and dizziness. Today has been MUCH better. Mike even ventured out for a field trip to Target :) He begins physical therapy tomorrow, and the surgeon is hoping to have him jogging within 10 weeks.

Stupid Scientists

Last week, scientists released a breakthrough study that showed women who consumed 2 or more cups of joe a day were twice as likely to have miscarriages. I'm not pregnant (yet) but hoping that this will change in the near future, I decided I should start weaning myself off the euphoric liquid. To say I'm addicted to caffeine is such an understatement. BUT, last week I cut back to 1 cup of coffee, half regular and half decaf, and 2 more cups of decaf. Maybe I can trick my body into not noticing it's missing it's daily dose of joy.

Emergency Prayer Request

Today I received an email saying a friend who is in Afghanistan was taken hostage while riding in a car in Kandahar. Her name is Cyd - she's a single lady serving there with the Asian Rural Life Development Foundation. She has been there for 3 years teaching English and embroidery at a girl's school. Please pray for the safe return of Cyd and her driver, who also was taken hostage. 

Strolling through the valley

This has been an emotional week. Yesterday was my boss' last day in the office :( He was supposed to be here through the end of the week, so I wasn't expecting to have to say goodbye yesterday. Today me and a co-worker will have lunch with my boss' wife, but then she, too, is leaving the office. I hate goodbyes.

Also, I found this website Confessions of a CF Husband, about a husband and wife's journey through Cystic Fibrosis and the birth of their first child, Gwyneth. While the story may initially sound sad, I have drawn great encouragement and strength by reading about their unshakable faith in the midst of such uncertainty. You should zoom over there to read about Gwyneth Rose, Tricia, Nathan and Spider Pug.

One of the neat-o things about God is that just this week I've been struggling with the concept of prayer, it's importance and purpose, and if it really even matters. I don't approach this question with a fatalistic attitude, but it's birthed out of curiosity about how the simple words voiced from an insignificant person can affect history or influence almighty God. Nathan's transparency regarding his faith and trust in God despite the circumstances has challenged and encouraged me.

The tortures of childhood

My niece, Korynn, just turned 2 years old. Too bad this is what she'll probably remember from that day :)

Thanksgiving with the Jarvises

Ok, so my family is odd. They always have been and always will be - and I kind of like it that way. Here are some photos of me, Brandon (25), Ashton (19) and my parents.

Wilderness Adventure

Mike is indulging his wilderness man by taking me camping this weekend. We originally planned to rough it by sleeping in a tent we could carry on our backs, and hiking several trails with a full backpack. I believe he envisioned this as being our first training session for someday hiking the AT. Thankfully, sanity prevailed and instead we’ll be sleeping on an air mattress and hiking with a day pack.

Still though, I’ll be running if I hear any banjos.

PS - If Mike had his way, I think we'd look like this:

For anyone who knows my boss

This announcement was on our company's frontpage website. We're getting quite a kick out of it!

Is Optimism Bad?

I’m reading a book called God on Mute, where the author talks about that frightening topic of why God sometimes appears to be mute. Silent. Distant. The author devotes a section of the book to explaining why God sometimes doesn’t answer our prayers.

The author offers several explanations for why prayers go unanswered, but one of his theories is that life is meant to be hard. He tells the story of a poor sap who encounters several crushing blows – his daughter is sick, he begins to develop a debilitating disease, he is in danger of losing his job, etc. The author asks the guy how he copes without losing faith in God, and the man says something like, “The moment I accepted that life isn’t easy or fair, and that it’s a tough struggle, then I didn’t experience disappointment when bad things happened.”

This is a difficult concept for me. I refer to myself as an eternal optimist, and some days my hope that things will get better is the only thing that sustains me. To give up on this hope and accept that things won’t get better, or that they may get better just before getting bad again, seems defeating, depressing and gloomy. Being an optimist isn’t easy. At least once a month, my expectations and hope endure a jarring shake. I then need a day to recover, rethink my expectations, and get back to the business of hoping for a better day tomorrow.

So, should we lower our expectations for this life and expect the worse? Should we be more surprised when good things happen rather than when bad happens?

Looking Past the Mirage

There's a scene in X-Men 2 when one mutant tries to convince another mutant he is seeing something that doesn't exist. The mirage is very believable - complete with the right atmosphere, characters, voices and script. The problem is, of course, is that it's fake.

Sometimes I think the enemy uses a similar tactic against followers of Jesus. He attempts to paint a picture of doom and gloom, and he uses real characters, situations or comments to create a false reality. Unfortunately, it's all too easy to fall for his version of life rather than to look to the One who gives true hope and life.

One Bible writer described faith as "the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen." If I were to define faith I'd say it was "willfully refusing to look at the things and situations around us and opting to look at and trust God."

Or, as one band said, "when you don't understand, when you can't see His plan, when you can't trace His hand, trust His heart."

Broken Boxer

God

You know I have carefully crafted my castles and have defended them from attack. I guarded, protected, defended and flailed against all perceived enemies who sought to destroy my plans, dreams or expectations. Sadly, I even fought against you.

I said with my mouth, “Thy will be done,” yet I maintained a tight grip on my creation and destination. I intended to move ahead in the direction I decided, and was willing to push against any mountain that blocked my path.

And then I remembered. You said faith could move a mountain, not my strength. You said God guides our steps, not my determination. You have asked if I will trust you and I have responded with a half-hearted “I guess so.”

But I know I can’t bribe you into relenting, nor can I threaten you with silence or abandonment. I have to submit. I have to relent. I have to quit fighting and pushing against you.

God, help me to take off the gloves and to leave them on the table. Help me to mean it when I say, “I trust you and I’ll follow you no matter what.” Forgive me for yelling at you, cursing you and despising you just because you won’t do what I ask when I ask. My head tells me that your plan is better than mine – help my heart to believe this, too.

Saddness = Not Enough Coffee

I’m addicted to coffee. I’ve heard that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery, and one lovely lady spent months lecturing me about the dangers of caffeine so I’m sure this will make her happy. She also swore that smoothies make for nice substitutions when the brain begins craving coffee, but that’s nonsense.

The thing is, though, if something as innocent and widely-available like coffee makes me feel good, tastes good and helps others (like coffee-bean growers), then how can it be so bad? And if the benefits outweigh the negative, then shouldn’t I just go with it and ignore the symptoms of an addition: cravings; headaches and irritability when detoxing; daydreams about lovely brown cups holding rich, aromatic liquid joy?

I’m afraid to analyze this question because I’m afraid it’ll lead to deeper introspection about other addictions in my life, like my addiction to speed and adrenaline (hurry, hurry, don’t slow down!); my need for me-time, at the expense of shutting out developing relationships; my craving to control situations around me and the terror I feel at letting go; and my flesh’s insistence that I think about me and my entitlements, plans and desires.

See, this is why I shouldn’t think about my dependence on coffee …

Unknown purpose

Years ago, I went to India. I was following in my college friends' footsteps, all of whom raved about their time in Kota. So I went. And I hated.

Unbeknownst to me, the group I connected with was a singing group who spent the entire trip traveling around town giving impromptu concerts. I, along with a handful of others, were left to either stay at the orphanage or play the role of groupies. But even the orphanage was difficult to stomach. The children didn't appear to be living in conditions much better than the homeless children, and so many of the children told stories about sleeping with rats that I cringed whenever I visited them in their rooms.

The day after I returned from India I contracted a weird bug and lost my voice for a week. I remember thinging, "Why did I waste the time and money on such a miserable experience?" Ah, yes, fond memories.

But the strangest thing happened last week. I was talking with my Indian neighbors about an upcoming Indian festival, and I mentioned that I had visited Kota. The wife immediately opened up to me and began sharing stories about Indian culture, tips on Indian restaurants, and invitations to drop by for authentic curry. She also invited us to this weekend's festival and promised to introduce us to all her friends.

I've lived here for two years and had yet to have a meaningful conversation with this neighbor. I'd never have thought God would have used my college trip to Kota as a bridge to a (hopefully) fruitful friendship.