I'm pretty sure I stepped on a thigh

Mike and I are gathering with friends for a pre-New Year's Eve bash - complete with two kids under 2 ft tall. I offered to make my amazing, stunning, much asked for lasagna (full disclosure: every other dish I make tends to come out burnt, which may explain why the lasagna is so popular). One problem: I didn't have the necessary ingredients.

"That's fine," I thought. "I'll go after my afternoon nap."

Ha! I couldn't have known that 2/3 of Richmonders had the same thought. My first clue should have been the lioness like cars who were stalking unsuspecting shoppers as they returned to their vehicles. The cars waited in a line until such a pedestrian was noticed, and then stealthily began following the shopper as he or she meandered various parking aisles. The cars then whipped around corners and screeched to a halt, flipped on their blinkers while they waited for their prey to disembark from this existence.

My second clue was the dearth of shopping carts inside the store. And then, finally, in case I had missed every other sign, the most obvious was the serpentine line that wound down various aisles as shoppers waited for an available cashier. Much mutterings and expletives were heard, including the oft-repeated phrase, "The line starts back there."

It took me 5 min. to gather my meager ingredients, and 25 min. to check out. In the rush to find the shortest line, I bumped into no less than 5 other shoppers and stepped on a toe (possibly a thigh; I can't be sure).

So my New Year's Resolution: next year, order pizza.

Thank God for high school boys

Sometimes being a stay at home mom (SAHM) is similar to being a single mom - except I get reprieve most evenings around 4:30 and on weekends. But during the day I have many errands and tasks that must be completed while also appeasing or herding a toddling toddler. If any other SAHMs can relate, I suggest we dub ourselves Professional Multi-Tasking Herders and create our own badges and slogan.

Anywho, today's obstacle challenge was to haul a 50-lb box into a post office for mailing while either dragging, carrying or luring a toddler to follow me. The luring worked up until I set her on the ground. Carrying might have worked had she been willing to sit on the box rather than lie on top of it. I didn't get to the dragging bit because like a knight on a white horse, a high school boy came to my rescue.

He had been in the truck parked near my car and watched as my follies unfolded. He gallantly exited his vehicle and offered to carry my parcel inside for me. What a guy!

Thus today's task was a success and I was able to move on to the next obstacle: herding my now fussy toddling toddler toward her pen ... I mean, crib.

Christmas really is about

This was our first Christmas, really, as a family of 3. Last year Addie was just 3 months old when this festive holiday occurred, so her participation was limited to staring at the tree's twinkling lights. This year we took Addie on 2 tours of the Tacky Christmas Lights, introduced her to movie classics like "The Christmas Story," allowed her to sample Christmas cookies and watched with glee as she ripped into her gifts Christmas morning.

And yet the holiday felt empty.

Some of that hollowness can be attributed to the dearth of spiritual activities. We didn't attend nary a Christmas pageant nor Christmas Eve service. No caroling or singing of any Christmas hymns. No reading of the Christmas story from the Bible. Seemingly no focus at all on the meaning of this season - save for a toy nativity set that Addie received Christmas Eve, which she promptly shoved in her mouth.

So even with all the trappings of the holiday (commercial or otherwise), I still feel like the day came and went without much stirring in my heart. I didn't pause to rejoice at the thought of God becoming man. I didn't contemplate the awe felt by shepherds as they were visited by angels. Nor did I reflect on how Jesus' birth was the first step in His earthly life that would eventually lead to a cross on a hill.

I wish I could hit repeat and re-do this Christmas season because I feel like it passed by without me so much as glancing past the flashiness to see the humble manger.

Classic Indecency

I recently joined a local book club for a few reasons: meet new people, read undiscovered literature, create opportunities for sharing God's love. I eagerly checked out this month's selection, Lady Chatterley's Lover, only to find the book seemed to earn the "classic" designation simply because the author flagrantly defied decency laws when he wrote it. D. H. Lawrence penned this piece of fiction in 1928 from his sanctuary in Italy. Copies of his book eventually were smuggled into the UK, where it ran afoul of their decency laws. A trial was held in 1960, and the UK government eventually loosened laws regarding what was considered obscene.

This post, however, isn't about what four-letter words were used and how often. It's more about my reaction to the book. I read nearly a fourth of the novel before I simply couldn't stand the author's desensitized description of casual sex. In fact, I think the last chapter I completed ended with Lady Chatterley's crippled husband urging her to have sex with other men in order to conceive a child. His one stipulation: she choose men he would approve.

I'm planning to attend the book discussion Tuesday night, but at this point I'm not sure what to say other than I disagree with the author. Sex is not like a conversation in which partners can easily be swapped and traded. And I have yet to meet a man or woman who could say that random sex didn't cost them something as much as it rewarded them.

This should make for an interesting discussion.

Painting with Pudding

The other day we tried an experiment involving vanilla pudding and food coloring. I think it was a smashing success.

Coming Full Circle

So long ago that I can't recall the year, I sat in a German hotel lobby talking with a co-worker/friend about how to strike up a conversation with anyone and how to eventually introduce spiritual topics into the conversation. To date, I had struggled to figure out how to "live my faith" without going door-to-door. I would usually freeze up when opportunities arose to meet a stranger or to say anything of substance.

Flash forward to present day.

One of those mentors, Derek, is now located in Richmond and is looking to plant a church. He and I have continued to email through the years, and he emailed me about the vision God has given him. Mike and I met with Derek and his family plus a few other families to talk about the beginnings of Radiate. I can't wait for this adventure to begin.

Mike and I have talked sporadically for years about being more involved in spreading the Gospel. Now we'll get hands on mentoring in how to start a gathering from scratch, to get a feel for the needs of a city, and to (gulp) meet and converse with strangers.

So in that vein, I am meeting with a group of moms this Tuesday. At one of their homes. To make sushi. And I've never met a single one of them. I'm terrified. But I'm also excited to actually practice what I have learned through the years about making friends and influencing people.

Too Much Time

Addison is almost a year old. How did this happen???

Here's a quick roundup of all that I neglected to communicate:

- I quit my job in June in order to stay home with Addie. It was the best decision I've ever made. I love being a sahm and seeingall her developmental milestones: her crawling, babbling, tooth-growing, etc.

- Addie and I visited my family in July for a few week. It was a good visit but not relaxing by any standard. A friendwisely told me that I have to change my expectations fro

m "vacations are for me to relax" to "vacations are for me to ensure Addie has fun and is safe." The two aren't always the same.

- Mike and I took Addie in August to the OBX and Asheville. We visited a few music halls to listen to down-home bluegrass music, hiked a little, and slept. A lot.

-Now it's Sept. and I'm trying to understand how my baby girl has become an almost toddler. Life is definitely moving on!

Bevis Giggle

We have said that Addison's laugh sounds like Bevis and Butthead and we tried to catch it on camera. This is just a preview because she didn't get rolling like she has in the past.

Addison at Four Months

Almost There

Addison is just at the point of almost rolling over on her own. She gets about halfway on to her side before deciding, "hmmm, I think I like the view better back over on my back." But she's trying.

She's also developed a laugh that is reminiscent of Bevis and Butthead. We've tried to catch it on camera but she's reticent to laugh on cue. Probably because she knows we're mocking her.

Last week Addison topped out at 12.4 lbs. Mike will take her to the dr this week for her 4 month check up. I expect him to say she is still 50 percentile in weight and height, and she still has a large noggin. That's ok; she needs all the space for her brains.

We also battled our first sickness last week. I'd forgotten how difficult it is to function on 4 hrs of sleep each night, but we survived. Mike would hold her from 11 pm - 3 am, and I'd take over until 7 am. Mike then stayed home with her while I trudged off to work. Sigh. My heart and mind were with her even if my body was not.

I'm thinking of writing a book for Addison and calling it, "The You that Almost Wasn't." I want to write down our journey of infertility, tell her about the near miscarriage, explain how she beat the odds to develop full-term and how she truly is a gift from God. Sounds great - now I just need to do it.

Such a big girl

Last week we weighed Addison and she was up to 10 lbs. I noticed today that she's already so long that she barely fits into her 0-3 month sleepers. I'll be curious to hear what her doctor says next Wednesday. I'm not exactly looking forward to the visit, though, because Addison will get her first round of immunizations.

In other growth news, Addison has been sleeping in her crib this past week - and she usually sleeps 10 pm-6 am, and then from 6:30-9. She also eats about 5 oz at each feeding.

She's discovered the firefly mobile above her crib and loves to stare at them as they twirl over her head. She also loves music! I introduced her to Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton's "A Christmas to Remember" and she fell asleep - not sure if that means she liked it or not, but at least she didn't cry :)

Growing Girl

The doctor says I'm coming along just fine. I'm still 21.5 inches long, but he says the hospital probably over-estimated my length when I was born.

I'm now up to 8 lbs 13 oz. Thanks mom for all the food!

My head is kind of big, though. Dr. says it's in the 70-90%. Guess it has to be big to hold all my brains :)

Five Night Streak

Since this past Sunday, Addison has slept from 10 pm - 3 am, and then from 4 am - 7:30 am. Whoo-hoo! Sleep is so great. She also remains alert from about 7:30 until noon. One book I read said that 1 month olds should be able to remain awake for an hour a time. Guess Addie is ahead of schedule on that growth marker.

We'll find out tomorrow (hopefully) how she measures up in height and weight. She finally outgrew her newborn clothes, mainly because she's so long that her poor legs can't fully stretch out in the newborn sleepers.

Our lil girl is growing!

Recent Discoveries

Addison has extremely strong neck muscles. I mean really strong. She already will pull back from whoever is holding her to stare into their face for a good 20 seconds or so before she does a chest headbutt. She's also become more aware of her surroundings. She already becomes bored with keeping her head steady against the chest of whoever is holding her. She'd much rather look around - especially at light.

We've experienced three nights now with a somewhat normal pattern to her sleeping. She usually goes down around 10 pm, wakes up at 3 am for a feeding, and goes back to sleep until around 7 am. I had been told not to expect her to settle into a pattern until she was at least 6 wks of age but for now she seems to have found a rhythm.

I've been able to give Addison 3 bottles of breastmilk since Sunday night and she seems to be digesting it fine. She just punctuated that last statement with a toot :) We hope to get her back to nursing as soon as possible since the formula makes her gassy and is daggum expensive.

We took Addison on a field trip yesterday to Carter Mountain Orchard. We didn't pick any apples but had fun traipsing through the trees and taking lots of photos. It was the first time I've relied solely on my sling to carry her around, and it worked great! She was pooped by the end of the day, though.

A long time coming

So how do I summarize the past umpteen months? Well, I had a baby. Only took 31.5 hrs of labor and 1 c-section to get her here :) Because of this, i'm also on maternity leave from my job. I started working as a manager in August and was just figuring out the job when I had to leave for the next 3 months.

I've decided to use this blog as a primary means of keeping my 'rents up-to-date on Addison photos and stories. Currently, they are in Pensacola but will be relocating as of January. We wish they'd relocate to VA but we're not God and will adjust to whatever they decide.

Today's Addison story: my mom is trying to get me to hold Addison less so that she doesn't become a baby that must be held at all times. Unfortunately, she's not amenable to this adjustment. Also, today is the second attempt to get her off of formula and back onto breastmilk. I stopped nursing her over a week ago once we learned she has an allergy to dairy protein. I thought I'd be able to put her back on breastmilk within a week, but our first test run a few days didn't go well and the pediatrician said to put her back on formula. Guess we'll be able to tell by tomorrow whether the dairy is completely out of my system.

Momma Conner meet Momma Turtle

We think this turtle is making a nest in our front yard. It's been digging a hole for over an hour, and appears to be straining - so much so that her eyes occasionally turn white. So either she's pregnant or she's constipated.

Not sure what we'll do if this momma indeed lays eggs in our front yard. Mike has talked about building a perimeter around them to protect them - especially from our mafia cat. Guess we'll have to wait and see.

Some days are still hard

It's been more than 2 years since Brandon was removed from our home. Since then, he and 1 of his brothers were adopted by the family that had agreed to take in him and his brothers (the other brother was moved to another living situation). I've heard he's doing well and is growing like a weed.

For the most part, I think I've moved beyond the grieving phase but there are still days I miss him. Last week brought many reminders of him and his brief life with us: conversations, photos and dreams. It led to a pretty depressing Saturday as I allowed myself to once again grieve the hole Brandon left in my heart.

I'm ecstatic about the new journey Mike and I are embarking on, and down deep I am happy that Brandon is well and with his brother. But there are some days that are still hard ...

Long awaited update

We're heading to Florida today for a week-long vacation with the 'rents. I haven't seen them since Christmas, so I'm definitely looking forward to it. Oh, and seeing the ocean ain't half bad either!

Earlier this week I started panicking, though, because I was having nosebleeds twice a day (sorry for the ick factor) and random cramping in my lower left ab area. Turns out both symptoms are normal, but I'm still glad my doctor didn't laugh at me when I showed up Tuesday all in a twitter about what was going on. She even did an ultrasound to put my mind at ease. Yeah, that was another concern. At 17 weeks I still hadn't felt Baby Conner move and one of my books said I should have. Books are stupid! My dr said I won't feel Baby Conner until closer to 20 weeks, especially since he/she is my first.

Speaking of he/she - we have a monthly check up on May 14th and I'm hoping to know then whether we should buy pink or blue. And, we'll have another appointment with the perinatologist later in May, so if we don't know the baby's gender on May 14th then we should certainly know by the end of the month. ... assuming baby Conner cooperates!

Non baby update, request for prayer

I hope you keep reading even though I don’t have any baby updates or photos to share. I want to ask you to pray for my parents who are going through a difficult time with their church in Florida. My dad is the pastor, and about a month ago he learned that 2 deacons were circulating a petition to force my dad out. Thankfully, that effort failed as many church members stepped forward to voice their support for my parents. Unfortunately, the efforts to undermine have not stopped. Now, several deacons are blocking my dad’s efforts to ask the lead under-miners to resign from leadership positions in the church (two are deacons and 1 is a Sunday School teacher). At a recent deacon’s meeting, the deacons made it clear that they still resent my dad’s leadership and they will not submit to God’s direction.

So my dad is faced with some tough decisions about how to move ahead. Please pray for him and my mom to have wisdom and God’s peace. Pray for God’s spirit to bring about a humility and repentance among those who continue to fight against God’s direction. And pray for a healing in the church. You can imagine how this is affecting those who see such division and strife, and conclude that Christians really are hypocrites.

Bowing before the Throne

Also known as:

Happiness, thy name is Phenergen

So apparently, it’s not good to vomit more than twice a day like I’ve been doing for the past few weeks. I should say I’ve had good days with no vomiting, but frequent bows before the throne seem to be the norm. This could account for why my weight hasn’t increased in the past 3 weeks. So my lovely doctor has placed me on Phenergen, better known as “I’ll make you so sleepy you won’t know your nauseated” drug. The doctor also put me on some medicine to treat my constant heartburn/acid reflux. I’m supposed to take these when the symptoms aren’t controlled by Tums, Maalox, vitamin B6 and ginger caplets. Oh, and Unisom. If Mike thought I was tired before, he ain’t seen nothing yet!

The baby wasn’t as active today, but he/she did muster enough strength to give his/her poor mommy a high five. I’ll take the encouragement!