Monday, October 15, 2007

Broken Boxer


You know I have carefully crafted my castles and have defended them from attack. I guarded, protected, defended and flailed against all perceived enemies who sought to destroy my plans, dreams or expectations. Sadly, I even fought against you.

I said with my mouth, “Thy will be done,” yet I maintained a tight grip on my creation and destination. I intended to move ahead in the direction I decided, and was willing to push against any mountain that blocked my path.

And then I remembered. You said faith could move a mountain, not my strength. You said God guides our steps, not my determination. You have asked if I will trust you and I have responded with a half-hearted “I guess so.”

But I know I can’t bribe you into relenting, nor can I threaten you with silence or abandonment. I have to submit. I have to relent. I have to quit fighting and pushing against you.

God, help me to take off the gloves and to leave them on the table. Help me to mean it when I say, “I trust you and I’ll follow you no matter what.” Forgive me for yelling at you, cursing you and despising you just because you won’t do what I ask when I ask. My head tells me that your plan is better than mine – help my heart to believe this, too.

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