Last week was our first full week of having Addie home Every. Single. Day. No more preschool until August. No more respites from 50 questions a minute. No more action-filled mornings that don't require my planning or involvement.
I vaguely remember telling Addie a few weeks ago, "We're not going to survive this summer." The comment came on the heels of a common battle of wills and Addie's persistent determination to keep my focus 100 percent on her and not on the babies.
But I was wrong. The week went fine and all 4 children are still alive. Granted, I fall into bed at 9 pm on the cusp of incoherent exhaustion - but I guess that's to be expected when running a daycare and part-time pre school (oh yes, I decided to fill my mornings with doing alphabetic exercises and crafts with Addie).
And just about every morning begins with a quiet recitation of, "When I am weak, You are strong."
And there are still moments when I want to cry because things were going well until Addie or the babies threw a wrench in my momentum with a tantrum or unplanned speed bump that caused me to screech to a halt and stop whatever project I was in the midst of tackling.
The amazing thing, though, is that I no longer feel incapable or inadequate. I don't wake up dreading the day or feeling worn before the coffee has brewed. I don't feel homebound because I have 4 children under the age of 4. We go to the grocery store, library, park - wherever I need to go for the day. And we play at home. And we learn to be content in any and all situations.
I'm reminded of things friends and family told me when we found out we were having triplets. Comments like, "God has chosen you for this journey because He knows you are able" and "This is not a curse, this is a blessing. And your children will rise up and call you blessed" seemed incongruous with the mountain we were facing at the time.
I guess I'm starting to see the truth in those comments, though, and am beginning to see that Mike and I have been called to a lifetime journey of shepherding these kids and relying on God's strength each step of the way. There will be days when my strength and energy fail before noon - especially during school breaks. But God is faithful and able, and really when I am weak, He is strong.