The Good, Bad and Scary

Recap:

Jan 17 - had 2 embryos implanted as part of Invitro fertilization with donated embryos

Jan. 28 - learned that at least one embryo had "taken" and we were pregnant

Feb. 11 - woke up with cramps and found that I was spotting. Also passed a blood clot. Went to the ER where they diagnosed me as having a threatened miscarriage

Feb. 12 - saw my regular ob-gyn who said the bleeding was normal and is called "implantation bleeding." Also learned that we are expecting one baby. Labs normal, heart rate 140 beats/min.

Feb. 17 - started heavy cramping and bleeding around 4:30 pm. Bleeding lasted 2 hrs., cramps lasted 6 hrs.

Feb. 18 - returned to regular ob-gyn's office, but she wasn't available. A med. student did the ultrasound, which looked to show an empty uterus, but test was inconclusive. Had blood drawn, which showed my hCG levels had dropped. The test results plus my symptoms led dr. to diagnose me as having had a miscarriage.

Feb. 20 - returned to ob-gyn to make sure all tissue had passed. During ultrasound discovered that baby is still there, has a visible heart flicker and appears to have grown. No bleeding or cramping since Feb. 17.

My regular ob-gyn referred us to a periantologist for some extensive scans of the baby to see what is causing the bleeding. The ultrasound revealed a robust baby with 2 visible arm buds and a large head. We also heard the heartbeat (180 beats/min). The scan also showed a well of old blood in the uterus left over from my hemorrhage (in scan above, the blood is the dark arc above the right side of the placenta). The well of blood is easily larger than the baby and seems to be coming out of the placenta.

The dr explained that of 1000 pregnant women who bleed, about half end up with miscarriages and half end up with healthy pregnancies. Given the amount of blood still in my uterus, he said my chances of having a miscarriage are about 75-80%. 

He said he really can't predict how this pregnancy will end, but encouraged us to pray since that will be the only thing that saves this baby. Thankfully, it doesn't appear that the bleeding has affected the baby's development. He also said there's a chance my body may just absorb the blood and I'll go on to have a healthy pregnancy.

I'm scheduled to return to the periantologist in 4 wks. By then he expects 1 of 2 results: either I've had a miscarriage, or the scan will show the blood has disappeared.

Praise:

- baby continues to look healthy

- no bleeding or cramping for more than a week

Prayer:

- for the blood to disappear

- for Baby Conner to stay nestled and protected in the womb

 

Sad day

Last night around 4:30 I started cramping and bleeding pretty heavily. I called my dr and she said I could either come in to the ER or wait until this morning to come in for an appointment. I opted for the second choice, and this morning they did an ultrasound and blood test. Everything is pointing to me having had a miscarriage last night. My primary ob/gyn wasn't in the office so she wants me to return Friday morning just to verify the results, but I'm not holding out hope that the results will be any different than today.

I've already called the fertility clinic in TN and we're looking to have another embryo transfer in May. That'll give us several months to heal and re-prepare for the journey once again.

Right now I can say that Mike and I are ok and hopeful for the future. Tomorrow, depending on when you ask, I might have a different answer. Trying to stay strong, hopeful and focused.

Baby Alien

I've been reading this book my mom bought me called "From Conception to Birth." It photographically chronicles the development and growth of a baby during it's 9 month hibernation, and is really quite remarkable. The only weird thing is seeing photos like the one above and realizing that the baby looks more like a sea monkey than a human. Some of my favorite photos show the baby's tail, gills and ears near the base of the skull. Part of me marvels at how something so odd gradually rearranges itself and develops into a perfectly-formed child. The other part looks and goes, "Ewww!"

And, and, and ...

We're pregnant! Oh, dear heavens, can it be real? I'm still whirling with the news. Right now we just know it's a positive. I'll go back to the doctor on Friday to recheck the numbers to make sure the HCg is doubling like it should. One nurse said our due date would be Oct. 4, but that seems awfully early. Guess we'll find out at our ultrasound in February.

For now, I'm just going to savor the moment.

Big Day

Today I have my first interview in the "job fair" process of matching me to a new assignment. There are 24 administrative folks who are being displaced, and we are all interviewing for 36 positions. Pro is none of us are losing our jobs. Con is trying to decide where I think I'd be best suited given the job, environment, supervisor and my personality/gifts.

Today I'll also get the first initial results from my blood test. I was told that the results could be inconclusive until Friday's test, but that if the result is negative then that's that.

I told Mike this morning that I really haven't felt stressed or anxious at all, and that's mostly true (I think I had a moment one I started to worry, but that was at least a few days ago :) Now I just sense peace. Even if the result is negative I trust that all is well and I refuse to give up hope. Already God has shown that His timing and methods are usually not what I anticipate, which can make for an eventful life!

The nerve!

Ok, not to be overly dramatic, but I seriously think I've hit this nerve every morning when I go to do my injections on the right side. And if not this nerve, then one like it.

I've tried several different areas on the right side and only once have I been able to do the injection on the first try without feeling like fire is pouring into my backside.

What am I doing wrong?? Ok, maybe this is better answered by a doctor or nurse. But, I've talked to 2 nurses and a doctor about where I'm supposed to be doing the injection and all 3 have given different answers. One nurse said to aim for the bone right above the cheek but before you get to the vertebrae. Another nurse said to do it on the side right above the hip bone. And the dr said to aim for the outer right quadrant of the cheek (which is what the internet said to do but it still hurts!)

I don't mind the injections necessarily; the left side works great and I can finish it in a few minutes with minimal pain. But the right side is not working for me right now.

Today I am ...

- resting and thankful for a successful frozen embryo transplant (FET) this morning

- glad that the doctor showed us how to do the progesterone injections correctly. Turns out my nurse had told Mike the wrong location for the injections, and he's been sticking me near or on a nerve. No wonder they hurt so bad!

- am praying for the 2 wee embryos in me and am excited to think of the future

Secrets, secrets

I've been waiting for the right time to write this post, mostly because I'm not sure how some folks might react. But then I realized that we have a pretty amazing story to share and I shouldn't keep it quiet just because I might get some strange responses. First, though, here's the backstory.

December 1, 2001

I married R. Mike Conner, who would soon become my best friend. Within 6 months we decided to go ahead and try to start a family.

2002-2005

We had yet to conceive and underwent several infertility testing. Finally we received the news: it'd take a miracle for us to ever conceive a child without some kind of major medical intervention. This came as such a disappointment and we went through a grieving phase for at least a year. And to be honest, we also went through a stage of questioning God and His love.

spring 2004

We enlisted in our county's foster parent program with the hopes of getting a child we could eventually adopt. We received a toddler around March and were told prospects were good for us to eventually adopt. Unfortunately, this placing didn't work out and we "lost" our foster son in spring of 2005. There's much more to this story, but I'll sum it up by saying we were devastated. This threw us into a pit much worse than where we'd been before foster care, both emotionally and spiritually. It'd take us at least 2 years before we were willing to even think of trying adoption.

May 2008

We decided to meet with Bethany Christian Services to learn about their adoption program. During that meeting, the case worker asked if we had considered embryo adoption. Years ago I'd looked into it, but thought it was way too expensive. It was at this meeting that we learned about a fertility doctor in Knoxville, TN who had contracted with Bethany to offer embryo adoptions to couples who were cleared for adoption through Bethany. The best part: he viewed this as his ministry to save frozen embryos so he was offering to do up to 3 rounds of embryo transfers for a third of the cost that traditional fertility doctors charge.

So, here's the news. We met with the doctor in Tennessee this past week and have been cleared for their embryo transfer program. We also had our home study approved by Bethany the first of this month. Thus, we are now on track to have our first embryo transfer in 4 months. Yay!!!