Thursday, September 27, 2012

It's midnight and I'm panicking

It's nearly midnight and rather than sleeping a restful, dreamless sleep, I am worrying. Actually, I'm emotionally panicking. Mike and I prayed before bed and he tried to reassure me. Unfortunately, the fears are a lot louder than reason or even prayers.

1. We're trying to sell our car so we can get a minivan. But what if the car doesn't sell?

2. What if the babies are born too early and have to spend weeks in the NICU? How will I care for them while also tending to Addie? How will we pay the bills? What if the babies have severe health issues?

3. What if the babies go full term and come home with me from the hospital? How will I cope with going from just 1 child to 4 with no transition, plus still heal from the c-section?

4.  I need to buy bottle nipples and a bottle warmer. And get baby soap. Do I have enough blankets? Oh, and I probably should put sheets on the cribs.

5. My body aches and my innards are very unhappy with me. On the brightside, I haven't been awaken by choking on my vomit in at least 4 days.

6. I suddenly feel very alone. I miss our friends in RVA. I'm very, very grateful for the people we've met in Jacksonville and I hope those relationships become deep friendships - the kind that can withstand me calling them at midnight to talk through my emotional panicking. Right now, though, I feel alone.

7. Oh my goodness. We're having triplets.


Jennifer Rogers Spinola said...

I love you, Brittany! You're going to be an awesome mom to FOUR beautiful children. What a blessing! God has worked out things for us in totally unexpected ways! Once I sold my car while IN THE PARKING LOT, HEADED TO THE AIRPORT to catch our flight to Brazil. People will help you. You will look back later and be amazed. :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Brittany. Honey, I understand everything you are feeling. This is called Growing in God. He has each one of us on this same journey and you want to know why? He wants us to rely on Him and not on our own understanding. Yes ma'am you have every right to feel every "thing" you are feeling. But you will NOT be alone. You mom will NOT allow those babies and Addie to go one minute without her hands on one or all of them! And as far as paying the bills, God doesn't worry about this at all. He has a plan. Remember this, before he allowed you to conceive, he had you living back in Florida with all the Healthy children he gave you and he has a way of multiplying money where there isn't any. This is the trust part. We have to. You tell the enemy of your worry to go back to hell and leave you alone. Then you ask Holy Spirit to brood over release your fears and fill you back with his Holy Spirit. Remember he wrote your story and knows the end. He didn't allow you to come to this place to say - oh now, what am I going to do with Brittany and her 4 kids. Nope, that's what we say, not God. So girlfriend, as I am doing up here without a job and wondering what's next in my journey, you should turn this around and say - wow, praise you God that you are creating 3 healthy children, you have the money in place for our bills and have someone to purchase our car - I release all this into your hands and allow me the joy of feeling the 3 children in my tummy and the love of my beautiful daughter in my arms....and my folks just a stones throw away. You will be fine my dear....You'll see and then you'll have this to remember the next time something happens....I am very, very proud of you and Mike. Keeping all 3 babies! Good for you! "I will never leave nor forsake you..."