Last week was a terrible week (as expressed earlier). Sadly, it wasn't the first nor will it be the last. Seems that no matter how hard I try, I still struggle with feeling overwhelmed, stressed and short-tempered. Last week's breakdown ended with me crying in my closet trying to think of a way to tell Mike that I can no longer mother 4 kids and we will need to send 1 to my parents (don't worry, I was only half serious).
A few days later I still was feeling broken. The whispers kept repeating themselves
You're too weak
You're a bad mommy
You're a failure
That Sunday I heard our pastor speak about what our response should be when others heap shame and contempt on us. He related that there are times when such words and judgment simply flow off our backs because we are secure in who we are and do not waiver because of someone else's opinion. There are other times, however, when such comments pool in our spirits until we start to believe them ourselves and become affected by them. I realized that's where I was.
During the prayer time I crumpled to the ground and simply cried. I couldn't even voice a prayer because I still felt too unworthy to ask for anything. And in the midst of my brokenness I heard God say, "I choose you." I had heard God say this years ago when I first felt Him reveal Himself to me and I chose to follow Him. At the time, His promise meant that He chose me out of darkness and into His kingdom to become His daughter. This time, however, the words were spoken as a promise of forgiveness and acceptance.
I choose you.
I choose you today and always. I choose you when you are a broken mess. I choose you when you feel like no one else will. I choose you because I love you no. matter. what.
Wow. What love is this?
Over and over this past week God has been reminding me of the Romans verse that says, "we are accepted in the beloved." Friends, don't you see? We are valued and loved, even at our worse, by a God who knows you intimately.
Time and again He says, "I choose you."