Summer Fun

While Addie has been away at summer day camp, the babies and I have been trying all sorts of new experiences. Today we had a water day. Splish splash.

And of course, a visit from the daycare pet #2, Heidi the Nasty Mutt

More Messy Monsters

So this is a spoon?

Oh, I get it!

Ryleigh and McKenna must have learned spoon etiquette from the same person

FOOD!!

Walker Wannabes Prt 2

Hmmm, wonder what the babies will think of Mr. Handy Hand

Ryleigh goes right for the fingers

Yes, I think we definitely have a future walker on our hands. Buwahaha!

As a side note, how mean is it that I plan to bury Mr. Handy Hand in our backyard when we leave this rental house? I just wish I could see the tenants' faces when they unearth it!

Walker Wannabes

Mike says our kids look like they are preparing to be walkers on The Walking Dead.

I recently read that babies should start transitioning to table food around 9 mos, which leads to tonight's escapades with pasta.

Surprisingly, McKenna has taken to table food much easier than the other 2. She wolfs down boiled eggs, pasta, and just about anything else I put in front of her.

Josiah wears most of his food, as does Ryleigh. 

I would include a pic of Addie but she still is on an eating strike until PBS promises to stop killing off Downton Abbey characters.

Happy, happy Daycare

Some days I feel like I run a daycare for 1 very active (and loving toddler) and 3 very curious infants.

We have a ball pit for our sensory exploration and playtime. We also have 4 bouncy seats, 3 activity mats and a bagillion toys.

Ryleigh and McKenna

I love this photo, mainly because of the toppled baby in the background. I assure you, no babies were injured in the making of this post. All babies are carefully monitored at all times :)

Here is our class pet, Dora II, which was to replace Dora I that died 3 days ago. I think we should stop while we're ahead.

"I" is for ice and ice cream. I don't always get to go a letter craft with Addie but we try to do at least 3 a week. We also use starfall.com to practice letter sounds, and make a game out of finding as many letters in our neighborhood as possible. So are we've covered D, G, O, P, T, I, A and S.

Re-Writing Our Words Part 2

In full disclosure, I thought I'd offer 2 personal examples of how words can easily erroneously re-label truths:

Example 1:

When someone tells you, "don't try to load that bike by yourself" and you insist on doing it solo, that is not called individuality or independent. It's called being stubborn.

Refusing to apply sunscreen during a 3-hr trip to the beach is not called getting a base tan. It's a guarantee to a sunburn.

Re-Writing our Words

Words oftentimes can bring more confusion than clarity. A single word can offer different meanings, or have different spellings, or different cultural baggage. And then there are times when we choose the wrong words, which leads to embarrassing faux pas (such as the time I announced I was my professor's progeny rather than prodigy).

It's this latest conundrum within the church that causes me to wish we could re-write our vocabulary in order to clarify and correct what we really mean.

1. Follow vs. Believe
Unless you are Davy Jones, you should not be seeking believers. Rather, you (and God and the church) needs followers. It may seem to be a minor difference in word choice but the implications are greater than we realize. A believer is someone who knows all about God and the Bible, believes all the things the Bible says and can even regurgitate spiritual truths. But they may still live according to their own rules and plans because they've never become a follower. It doesn't matter what you believe but who you follow. One involves knowledge, the other requires a humbling submission.

2. Cultural Exchange vs. Mission Trip
The day after I graduated from high school I hopped a plane for Russia. There, I spent a month with a teen mission organization performing dramas throughout St. Petersburg as we shared the gospel with people in the city. I honestly can't say a single person became a follower of Jesus through the performances, nor did I have a chance to converse with anyone on a deep spiritual level. We weren't there to build relationships. We were there to entertain and experience Russia. We called it a mission trip but in reality it was a cultural experience.

I think such trips are great for opening our eyes to other cultures and beliefs, whether we travel overseas or downtown to the inner-city. It remind us of how God's plan extends beyond our neighborhood/city/state/nation. But I don't think these trips are truly about doing missions that bring lasting change to another culture. Those types of trips and relationships are built through long-term involvement with people, as in a church sending a team to the same city year after year to build a deep partnership. Or when a church installs a team (or even a branch of the church) inside the inner-city to have a day-to-day influence rather than sending a group of kids to an inner-city for a week and think any change has been achieved. These popcorn type trips are not about missions or relationships or changing the location, but are cultural experiences that oftentimes change the participants most. Cultural exchanges are great and have their importance, but let's call them what they are.

3. Public Relations vs. Outreach
A sea of purple infiltrates a crowd as goods are handed out and smiles offered. Purple-clad volunteers distribute brochures, bracelets, postcards, etc touting their business. Everything is stamped with the church's name and address. At the end of the day, high-fives are exchanged and backs patted for another great outreach.

Um....what was shared? Who or what was promoted? Did anyone actually talk about Jesus, tell anyone about God's love, or at the very least have an actual conversation beyond niceties?

Such events are great and perhaps needed for the church to let neighbors know they are there in the community, but let's call them what they are. They are not outreach events; they are PR events. Outreach events, at least as most people in the church understand them, involve promoting Jesus and reaching out to offer hope, acceptance and God's love. The moment you replace Jesus' name with the church's, or when you begin bragging about your church and the change it has made in your life vs. talking about Jesus and the change He has made, when you can recite every program your church offers but can't talk about the latest thing God has impressed on your heart, you have moved from promoting God to promoting your church.

$40 Today

$40 today paid for one of our medical bills connected to the babies.

$40 today was handed to me by a mother in a grocery store.

$40 today was given to bless us in memory of her son who was killed in an accident last year.

$40 today reminded me of God's faithfulness and love.

$40 today will remind me to pray for and give thanks for Ms. Pauline.

Surviving Summer and a Hundred "why?"s

Last week was our first full week of having Addie home Every. Single. Day. No more preschool until August. No more respites from 50 questions a minute. No more action-filled mornings that don't require my planning or involvement.

I vaguely remember telling Addie a few weeks ago, "We're not going to survive this summer." The comment came on the heels of a common battle of wills and Addie's persistent determination to keep my focus 100 percent on her and not on the babies.

But I was wrong. The week went fine and all 4 children are still alive. Granted, I fall into bed at 9 pm on the cusp of incoherent exhaustion - but I guess that's to be expected when running a daycare and part-time pre school (oh yes, I decided to fill my mornings with doing alphabetic exercises and crafts with Addie).

And just about every morning begins with a quiet recitation of, "When I am weak, You are strong."

And there are still moments when I want to cry because things were going well until Addie or the babies threw a wrench in my momentum with a tantrum or unplanned speed bump that caused me to screech to a halt and stop whatever project I was in the midst of tackling.

The amazing thing, though, is that I no longer feel incapable or inadequate. I don't wake up dreading the day or feeling worn before the coffee has brewed. I don't feel homebound because I have 4 children under the age of 4. We go to the grocery store, library, park - wherever I need to go for the day. And we play at home. And we learn to be content in any and all situations.

I'm reminded of things friends and family told me when we found out we were having triplets. Comments like, "God has chosen you for this journey because He knows you are able" and "This is not a curse, this is a blessing. And your children will rise up and call you blessed" seemed incongruous with the mountain we were facing at the time.

I guess I'm starting to see the truth in those comments, though, and am beginning to see that Mike and I have been called to a lifetime journey of shepherding these kids and relying on God's strength each step of the way. There will be days when my strength and energy fail before noon - especially during school breaks. But God is faithful and able, and really when I am weak, He is strong.

Paul's letter to the culture

Dear Romans

Blessings to you in the name of my God whom you do not recognize but who recognizes you. I come as a humble servant of God with a meek request regarding your behavior. Perhaps you have heard of or read my previous letter to the church in your midst. Whether yes or no, in summation I encouraged them to walk by faith and to live righteously before their God. It has come to my attention, however, that your cultural practices perhaps may tempt members of the church to forsake their convictions. Thus, I ask that you change certain practices so that the church may have a chance to thrive.

My list of requests is not long or burdensome. I would ask that you forsake - perhaps even outlaw - polygamy, pedophilia, corruption, homosexuality, blood sports, gluttony, backbiting and drunkenness. I have made the same demands of the church but I now recognize they will have a hard time obeying God if they see you living according to a different set of rules.

Now, I want to say up front that I believe you'll have a hard time maintaining these changes. The church obviously is struggling and we have God helping us. Without His assistance, I fear you are doomed to fail. But I'd still like you to try. Who knows, maybe you'll surprise me.

I look forward to meeting with your government representatives when I visit next month. Perhaps we can discuss my letter in further detail. Until then

Faithfully,
Paul

PS - you really should give Jesus a try. He'd make this whole effort so much easier.

Warring Against the Dark

Sleep is a funny thing. It allows our brains to shut off and rest. It also allows our defenses to rest, too, so that we are more prone to attacks and dreams. Recently, I started having dreams about overdosing on pills. I recall the exact number and type of pills, and even recall the sensation I felt in the dream as I drifted off to sleep knowing I would never wake again.

Before anyone calls the police, please rest assured - I have no plans to off myself. I think the dream is an indication that the depression I'm fighting is more than just a chemical imbalance; it also is a spiritual fight.

My husband had the best motivation, though. He told me if I kill myself then he's putting the babies up for adoption.

God, I love that man.

The Dark Side

Babies are doing great. They are sleeping through the night and have found a way to stick to a fairly consistent schedule during the day. Addie loves her siblings and plays with them constantly; she recently has been trying to teach them to roll over.

So why am I just now fighting post-partum depression? You would think I'd be over the moon with how great things are going. Instead, I find myself crying for no known reason, snapping at Addie and cringing when my babies cry, struggling to find energy to play with my kids vs just nap, and finding more reasons to hate my life rather than rejoice in the blessings.

And for someone who is a perpetual optimist, I find this to be unfamiliar territory.

I've done some self-analyzation to figure out the source of my issues:

1. In the beginning, I had to hold it all together and keep moving because I had no other option. But now that the babies require less care I have time to think about how overwhelming everything is, and well, it's overwhelming.

2. hormones. I mean honestly, my body had 3x's the normal level of hormones during pregnancy and those all just suddenly disappeared

3. I'm simply exhausted. While it's true the babies don't require constant care now, they also require more attention when they are awake. They don't want to just stare off into space for hours on end so I spend many hours of the day switching up their toys, their setting and their activities. Plus, I have a 3.5 year old who would freely take all of my attention and time if she could. There are some days I think Addie consumes 70% of my energy and focus leaving a paltry 30% for the babies, Mike, and tasks.

4. I feel trapped because there are times that I am. We recently had to send our triple decker stroller back to the manufacturer for repairs so for 2 weeks I was homebound during the day since I can't carry 3 carseats. It also wasn't feasible to go out at night because either I was too exhausted or the babies were too cranky and I didn't want to burden Mike with 4 whiney children. Being confined to the home with 1 antsy toddler and 3 needy children is a recipe for feeling hopeless, tired and isolated.

I thought I could "fix" this and pull myself out of the Pit of Despair, but I am willing to admit I need help (as weak as that might sound). I have started to ask for help from friends and family when I need an hour to escape and breathe. I also am finding moments to sit in the sun even if it means I prop open the door so I can keep an eye on the kids inside. I'll also be seeing my dr later this week to ask if there's some "happy pill" that can help curb my anxiety and depression. It'd be nice to enjoy my family again rather than sigh each time I hear someone call my name.

When saying goodbye feels more like a bad breakup than a release

This is a hard post to write. There's a certain amount of vulnerability when we admit we've been wounded - especially since the wound still aches and there doesn't seem to be a resolution coming any time soon. But still, I feel like opening my wound for inspection might be part of the healing process.

Mike and I once had the opportunity to partner with another family to plant a church in Richmond. Everything about the partnership appealed to us; we had been praying about starting a church but knew we didn't have the experience needed to do so. This other family had tons of experience, and were really awesome people.

So we started to dream. We talked about having a church so influential in Richmond that if the mayor had a problem, he might call us to discuss ways to solve the issue. We dreamed of having a world-wide influence with video feeds in Richmond to show us what our international partners were up to. We launched the church in a hotel that eventually moved to our house. And it was great. It was casual and cool. It was friendly and had such great potential.

But things started changing. Phone calls stopped being returned. Emails were overlooked. Meetings were forgotten or canceled. Eventually we stopped dreaming. We stopped communicating. A conference that was meant to inspire us served only to make us feel more isolated.

And then I got pregnant. With triplets. We wrestled with whether to stay in Richmond or to move. I desperately wanted to be near my family and to have a strong support system, but I didn't want to leave my city. I also didn't want to leave my church. The other families said they supported us regardless of what we decided, and we would always be considered members of the church even if we were a few hundred miles away.

After much prayer, we decided to relocate to Jacksonville and our church sent us on our way with a launch party/baby shower. But after we moved, it was as though we ceased to exist. There were no emails, no calls, no notes from the family with whom we started the church. Even though they frequently called or Skyped with church members who lived in Sweden, we didn't get a single indication we were thought of. We made a few half-hearted attempts to communicate with them through emails and facebook comments, but our efforts were ignored.

Seven months later, we still are hurt and confused as to what happened. Was it us? Did we mess up? Was it a spiritual issue, personality issue, leadership issue? Could it have been avoided?

I don't regret the church plant. We learned valuable lessons about how to lead a Bible study and to start a church from scratch. We met some incredible families in the process and truly saw lives touched/changed. But I regret the ending. I wish there had been a more amicable split rather than this aching hurt like I am recovering from a bad breakup. And I wish I knew how to let go rather than dwell on the disappointment of it all.

Simplicity

I love this image of my daughter. Granted, you can't see her, but i certainly can hear her. She is talking to her princess dolls about an upcoming tea party. Some of the dolls are moms, others are babies. And I love to hear the conversations Addie creates with her imagination.

We recently underwent two events that have caused us to examine our lives and realize how cluttered they have become. Firstly, we fasted from tv for 21 days. In that time, I realized how little I actually enjoy tv and how much time I waste in front of the boob-tube.

Secondly, we scrutinized our finances and decided to make some drastic cuts in our expenses. One of the things we hope to minimize is our satellite package. We also have sold or gotten rid of objects that we don't need that were cluttering our lives. Gone are the big baby swings, and in their place are 3 compact swings. Gone, too, are clothes, toys and other objects we held on to for no good reason.

I am looking forward to these changes in our family. I feel as though we are dropping baggage each time we release something that consumed our time or money unnecessarily. We feel this is a time of learning and preparation for us as a family. we are learning to lean on God as our Provider, to enjoy true family time and to use our resources wisely. We also feel God is preparing us for a time when we may have to rely on Him daily for our provisions. For years we have felt God calling us to some kind of ministry, and perhaps this is His way of prying our fingers away from the things that prevented us from grasping His hands.

I Have a Dream ... of Tornadoes

Last week, Mike had a dream about three tornadoes wreaking havoc around him. He remembers being afraid of the damage the tornadoes would bring, and that one of our children was clinging to his leg as the last tornado barreled toward them. The last tornado actually touched down and was heading for him when he commanded it to stop and leave; at which point, the tornado completely dissipated and left.

Since then, we have been praying against any attempt of Satan to bring destruction upon us, our friends or our family. A wise friend advised us to use the dreams as a warning from God that we need to go on the attack through prayer and Scripture to pre-empt Satan's plans. We had no idea what form the "tornadoes" would take, but we knew they would attempt to bring destruction.

The day after Mike's dream, I had an incident with the triplets in their stroller. The result was that Ryleigh's car seat toppled off the stroller and she landed face-first in the parking lot. I was horrified and frozen with fear, but thanks to some great moms and my cousin's wife, Jennifer, Ryleigh was quickly cleaned up and calmed. She ended up with bruising on her cheek and a scratch on her nose - and a very shaken mom.

The God-moment in this was that just moments before the accident, I had been holding Ryleigh and trying to calm her down. When I returned her to her car seat, I initially left her unhooked with the thought that I'd hook her in once we got to the car. I was prompted, though, by a thought (which I truly came from God) that I should buckle her in just to be safe. I'm so glad I did because her injuries could have been much worse.

A few days later, we were attending a children's birthday party when a mom walked over to me holding a bleeding Addie in her arms. Addie had run into the corner of a pick-up truck's tailgate and cut her head. The wound bled fiercely and soaked her dress with crimson stains. Thankfully, a few women at the party were nurses. They were able to assess the wound, stop the bleeding and help us decide what to do.

A few God-moments from this experience were the kind nurses who were able to quickly assess and aid Addie (and me, as once again I froze at the sight of my child injured and screaming). Also, Addie's wound was mostly superficial but could have been so much worse if she had run into the truck with her face - or even her eye.

We don't know if these two incidents are tied to Mike's dream but I do know the injuries were minimized by God's protection over us through prayer and spiritual warfare.

Not as hard as I thought

When I first found out we were expecting triplets, I took to the internet to find blogs or websites from other moms of triplets in order to get an idea of what to expect. That turned out to be quite a mistake as it seems the only moms who blogged were those who had difficult (sometimes tragic) experiences. Either their triplets were born with disabilities, or in at least 1 case one of the babies died soon after birth. For a mom-to-be who already was worried about carrying triplets, this was quite the downer moment.

I determined when my babies were born healthy and strong, I would post something that would encourage other moms who are expecting multiples so they could see it's not all doom and gloom. If you've read my blog, you know the first doctor we saw told us to expect the worst when it came to carrying and delivering multiples. He was adamant that I needed to consider aborting one or two of the babies to minimize the risk. To him I say "Phhhhhhew" (I'm not sure how to spell out a zerbert but you get the idea). So here's a short list of how our babies (and me) are defying the odds:

1. When the babies first came home, they ate every 3 hrs. Since it took about 90 min. to feed them in successive order, this didn't leave a lot of free time between feedings for things like eating and sleeping. Thankfully three things changed to give us time to breathe: my dad took the 11 pm feeding so we could get some sleep, we figured out how to feed the babies simultaneously using bouncy chairs and blankets, and the babies eventually ate every 4 hrs. Since these changes I now how time to clean the house, sleep, blog, write freelance stories, etc. It hasn't been nearly as bad as I had imagined.

2. I am able to take the babies out without much problem. We have a triple-decker stroller that my mother-in-law bought for us. With this handy device I'm able to take the babies and my 3-year-old daughter to the park and stores so that none of us begin to feel too confined to the house.

3. At  9-weeks old my preemie babies are wearing 0-3 mon clothing and eating like horses. Seriously, they don't know they are supposed to be small. My son, in fact, is now wearing size 2 diapers and 3 mos clothing. Geesh!

4. The babies have no health issues. None. They were in the NICU for 2-3 wks simply because they had occasional dips in their heart rate. Since coming home they haven't had so much as a sniffle. Healthy, healthy babies.

5. I gained about 60 lbs during the pregnancy and have lost all but 10 lbs of that. Having triplets is the best weight-loss plan I can recommend :)

By no means do I take credit for even a smidge of our success. We have had friends and family help us with feedings to give us a reprieve, folks bring us meals and babies who seem to defy all the odds. The biggest source of our success, though, truly has been God. He enabled the babies to be born at great weights with strong immune systems, and has continued to grow them beautifully. He also is teaching Mike and I patience with each other, ourselves and the babies. And I've been amazed at our wonderful daughter and how she has become so affectionate and helpful regarding her new siblings.

So there you have it. Triplets are not a death sentence regarding sleep or even fun. We still have hard days when all 3 babies are crying at once and Addie is cowering in a corner covering her ears and screaming for the babies to stop crying. But those days and moments are few and are far outnumbered by the good days.

I suck ... there, I said it

I've been reading 2 Corinthians lately and am struck by how many times Paul boasts about his weaknesses. He talks about his inarticulate speaking skills, his thorn in the flesh and his moments of loneliness - and does so with gusto. It's not because he's trying to outdo Debby Downer and revel in misery; he does so because he has learned that when we are weak, then we are strong.

And none of us is 100% strong 100% of the time. There's something freeing in allowing ourselves to be imperfect with weaknesses and shortcomings.

So in that vein, here is my confession: I suck at multi-tasking. Seriously.

In college I waitressed at Pizza Hut for a semester and I quickly learned that I was fine as long as I have 2 tables or fewer. But toss me a third table and I immediately forgot basic skills, like greeting customers or bringing them drinks. It's as though a glance at the waiting, hungry horde was enough to overwhelm me and cause me to breakdown.

And now I have 4 hungry hordes (careful how you say that). And I still seize up when all 4 are hungry or fussy at the same time. I catch myself forgetting basic steps and will be in the middle of an activity before I remember, "Oh wait, I should have done ____ before I started this." For instance, 2 nights ago I started bathing the babies. Mid-wash I remembered that I should have put their bottles in the warmer so the babies could eat as soon as they were clean. But then I remembered I hadn't made a batch of formula. So while naked babies laid on the bathroom floor, I scrambled to assemble bottles that could be warmed that could be consumed after the washing.

Whew.

So if you see me wandering the streets of Jacksonville with empty bottles, please steer me back home and whisper in my ear what it is that I'm supposed to do next.

Hardship Begets Generosity

Today I've been thinking of the medical bills that already have started rolling in. We are blessed to have decent insurance, but triplets who remain in the NICU for 2-3 weeks are bound to cost a pretty penny (or cute penny as the case may be). Honestly, I'm not sure how we're going to pay these bills. I'm working on the faith aspect and trusting God but there are days it's hard to believe we will come out of this with more than the clothes on our backs.

And then God does amazing things to remind me He hasn't forgotten nor is He surprised.

He leads me to verses that tell of a small band of believers who were undergoing immense poverty and persecution. Yet, in the midst of their suffering Paul tells us that they "begged us insistently" for the opportunity to give. Seems the reverse of what I would do in the midst of poverty and hardship; yet Paul says because of their generosity and faith, not only were their names being remembered but so was the name of God.

He then surprised me with a very unexpected gift from my dearest and bestest friend. My friend, who is not Scrooge McDuck swimming in money, is probably the most generous person I know. She sent a note with a check. Her note said she had the opportunity to earn some extra money and she wanted us to have it for Christmas, formula and diapers. And the check was beyond anything I would normally accept from a friend.

Not only will I remember her gift forever and ever, but I'll remember this day as a reminder from God that He is Jehovah Jireh. And God is faithful. And my friend is awesome.

Conner Predictions

I'm not psychic and fully admit I could be 100% wrong regarding my predictions for these cute children (minus Santa). However, based on the time I've seen them, here are my guesses regarding my four offspring.

Addie

Nickname: Addie Boo, Midget, Munchkin

Character: strong-willed, compassionate, fearless

Prediction for future: Addie will be class president and possibly a lawyer. She has strong convictions of what is right and wrong, and is rarely willing to budge from her conviction. She can dig in her heels with a stubborn streak rarely seen, but I believe this character trait will serve her well. I don't think Addie will be one who is easily swayed; rather, she will be the one leading the swayers.

McKenna

Nickname: Sweet cheeks (seriously, you have to see her cheeks)

Character: laid back and easy going

Prediction for future: McKenna will be the one to engage in reading and non-competitive activities. While her siblings are arguing or getting into trouble, McKenna will be cuddled next to her daddy as she reads a book. She will be the obedient one who we could leave alone for the weekend at home and know the house will still be standing when we return.

Josiah

Nickname: Chubs

Character: needy, daring, mischievous

Prediction for future: Josiah will be the kind of kid who you worry about when he gets quiet. At just 1 week old, he was already trying to roll over in the NICU. He started out the weakest of the triplets but quickly surpassed them. He is VERY strong and determined. Josiah will be the instigator and will be the one to think of new ways to try daring adventures.

Ryleigh

Nickname: Lil Bit, Q-tip (due to her white hair)

Character: feisty, fun

Prediction for future: Ryleigh will be all tomboy. Even the nurses in the NICU talked about how Ryleigh require more baths than the other kids because she was always messy and smelly. I can see her being the fun kid who runs around with boys. She also will be the character in the group. Even now, she loves to put on a show of facial expressions as we laugh at her antics.

A Whole Lotta Lovin'

So if you pay attention you'll notice a large gap of time has passed since my last post. There's a reason for this: their names are McKenna, Josiah and Ryleigh. And most likely you know they were born Oct. 24 and spent a few weeks in the hospital before being released home. Josiah has been home nearly a month; the girls came a week after him.

And life has never been the same.

Our 3-year-old is more visible in expressing her shock over our new lives. She has taken to throwing splendid tantrums in Target. If you happen to see a toddler lying on the ground thrashing her legs, chances are it's my child and you'll find me hiding one aisle over. She also has decided the hill on which she's willing to die involves clothing. It can take her 20 min to choose underwear and an hour to choose a dress. If I dare dress her in something she didn't choose, I risk igniting another Mt. Vesuvius scream eruption. When people ask me how we are coping, I sadly tell them life with the triplets is a cakewalk. It's our 3-year-old who frustrates and baffles me.

Mike, too, seems to be coping with this life transformation in his own way. Most days we are both optimistic that things are going well and will only get better. But after sleepless nights or endless fussiness from our son, Mike will be known to say, "I've decided I don't like babies."

And I know what he means. They are smelly, messy and very very needy. Our schedule revolves around their schedule and there are days I feel like a prisoner in my own home. It may be noon before I'm able to shower and brush my teeth. We can go days without leaving the house - which I hate for Addie since she's so active and can't tolerate this slothfulness well. And tasks that normally took 10 min can now take half the day.

Thankfully, Mike has been working from home and has been a HUGE help. We've also been propped up by family, friends, church members and lots and lots of coffee. Honestly, I don't think we could have survived without folks coming to bring meals or to feed babies. We've even had a few nights of uninterrupted sleep thanks to my parents watching the babies long enough for Mike and I to escape, sleep, breathe and reset ourselves.

So while things may seem chaotic and messy, I know we are starting to find our balance. We have a system for feedings, cleaning and surviving. And once in a while we have time to write, read and relax.